


Whisper

by Okenite



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: ASMR, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-01
Updated: 2017-11-19
Packaged: 2018-09-21 06:21:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 36
Words: 34,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9535622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Okenite/pseuds/Okenite
Summary: You and Josh are a lovely couple. But there's something about the way Tyler whispers...





	1. Chapter One

You smile as you walk down the hall to Josh’s dressing room. Josh looked so happy on stage tonight. The image of him smiling and tears forming in his eyes, as the crowd was shouting his name, is stuck in your head. You love seeing him this happy. You love him.

When you open the door, you’re surprised to find Tyler there instead of Josh. In your surprise you move back and check the name beside the door again. _Josh Dun_. You look at Tyler, who looks back at you, and then you notice he’s holding a bunch of bananas. You gaze upon the interior of the dressing room and see bananas strategically placed around the whole room. Tyler, now completely focused on the task at hand again, places the last 3 bananas on the sofa. He seems dead serious and nods to himself, seemingly approving of his work.

You’re still standing in the doorway, wondering what the hell is going on. “Okay, close the door. Quickly.” Tyler says and you close the door behind you. “Tyler…what…?” You start but he interrupts you abruptly, takes your hand and drags you into the small but practical bathroom. He leaves the door slightly open and the light in the bathroom out. It’s so dark in there, but the light coming from the other side of the door reveals Tylers face as he looks at you. Noticing your confusion, he leans in and puts his index finger on your lips. “You have to be really quiet, okay?” He whispers. You nod and let him continue, “I’m pulling a prank on Josh. He’s getting nana’d tonight.” Tyler whispers and giggles a little bit. You can’t help but smile at his excitement. But the whispering coming from his mouth is making you feel something entirely different.

 _It’s normal for people to love the sound of whispering, right? Or is just me?_ Your thoughts are racing as Tyler keeps whispering about his evil masterplan. “Do you have your phone here?” He asks. You try to focus on his question, slowly nodding your head. “Okay, good. It will be cooler if you film it, rather than when I would do it.” This whole sentence, very silently whispered, is enough to make a shiver run through your spine. You can’t stop it, it just happens. The hair on your arms and neck stand up and you feel your back and arms tingling. Tyler looks at you and frowns, “Are you okay? Are you cold?” He asks, still whispering. The tingling sensation in your limbs and in the back of your head is still there. You’ve felt this sensation before, but it feels more intense now for some reason. You look at you feet, embarrassed because you couldn’t control the shivers. “No, I’m fine, thanks…” You sigh and at that moment the door of the dressing room opens.

Tyler is focusing on Josh while you quickly take out your phone and start filming. Josh walks in and immediately notices the bananas, spread out all over his dressing room. He stops and stares. Tyler puts his hand on your shoulder and whispers, “Follow my lead.” He then pushes open the door of the bathroom and laughs while walking over to Josh. You film the whole thing. Tyler pointing at the bananas, shouting “Nana!” each time, Josh giggling in the background like a little kid. Tyler throws a banana on the floor and it splashes open, causing banana to stick everywhere. The two boys are now grossed out, you have to keep yourself from bursting out in laughter and Josh ends with the words, “Set it on fire.”


	2. Chapter Two

Later that night you and Josh are in his bunk, cuddling and watching Youtube videos. He has his arm around you, stroking your back gently. Your head is resting on his chest. You love being close to him, to feel his warmth, to hear his heartbeat. You lift your head to look at him. Josh smiles and bites his lip. You can’t help but think how lucky you are to have found this perfect guy. He’s the sweetest thing in the universe and he’s right here with you. “What?” He asks, chuckling. You shake your head, smiling and fighting your tears. His voice is soft. You try to imagine him whispering to you. But you can’t recall a moment where he did that. “Josh…” You say, trying to think of a way to ask him. “Would you mind whispering to me?” Josh frowns, but he keeps smiling. “Uhm…okay…like sweet words or…?” He asks, obviously caught off guard by your request. “Yeah, you know, it doesn’t matter, really. Maybe tell me about the show tonight, but like…all whispers.” You say, acting completely casual. Josh scrapes his throat. “Yeah, okay.” He says and starts to whisper. He talks about how he dropped his drumsticks twice in a row during Ode to Sleep and how he might need to buy a new alien mask, cause the one he has smells funny. You listen intensely. You even close your eyes to focus merely on his whispers. You feel a slight buzzing in the back of your head. You wait for the tingling sensations, the shivers, the popping in the back of your brain. But it doesn’t happen. You notice how he breathes through his whispers. It’s all very heavy and it doesn’t sound at all like the way Tyler whispered to you earlier. But it relaxes you and you fall asleep pretty soon.

The next day, you feel kind of bummed out. It’s weird, because you’ve experienced the sensation so many times before in your life, but you’ve never craved it like you do now. You simply discarded it as one of your weird habits. But ever since that shiver yesterday, you are longing for it to happen again. And the fact that Josh couldn’t help you with that, makes you feel a little bit sad. So you try to focus on other things. You’re reading a book that you brought, since you know from experience that touring also means long drives and a lot of waiting. Josh is playing videogames with Michael and Mark. Tyler however has gone to his bunk a while ago, probably wanting to spend some time by himself. 

It takes you almost an hour to read 4 pages, and you realize your thoughts are going everywhere except to the story in front of you. You glance over at Josh, who’s completely focused on his videogame. You put down your book and quietly sneak into the sleeping area. The curtain on Tylers bunk is closed so you knock on the wooden frame, just to make sure you don’t interrupt anything. Tyler doesn’t answer right away, but after your second knock you hear his voice. “Yeah?” 

You slowly pull aside the curtain and see Tyler sitting at the end of the bed, knees crossed and headphones hanging around his neck. He looks surprised to see you, although this isn’t the first time you’ve been inside his bunk. No matter how much you love Josh, you have an intellectual connection with Tyler that makes it easy for you to talk to him. So you crawl inside and close the curtain again.  
The light on the end of the bed is burning but it’s faded, making it less bright than it should be. “What are you doing?” You ask, looking completely innocent. Tyler puts down his notebook and his pen, tilting his head. You know he wants to say something sarcastic but he changes his mind. “Nothing interesting, really.” He says, taking off the headphones from around his neck. You bite your lip and nod. You really don’t know what you’re doing here. “What’s wrong?” Tyler asks, as if he instinctively knows that something’s bothering you. You take a deep breath. “Can I ask you a weird question?” You ask, fiddling with your fingers. “Those are my favorite kind of questions, so shoot.” Tyler says. “Okay, so … uhm … could you … uhm … whisper to me?” You ask, not entirely sure what to expect. Tylers expression is neutral. “Hmm. Whisper.” He says, without any intonation in his voice. You nod slowly, keeping your eyes focused on him. “Yeah, just like you did yesterday?” You add. Tyler swallows, turns his head to his right and says, “Just like yesterday? Yeah, I’m not sure what you mean…” You shift a little bit, and then realize that you might just be able to explain it to him. “Okay, so the thing is, it sort of relaxes me. It makes me feel good. And yesterday, right before you pranked Josh, you whispered to me in the bathroom. And…uhm…yeah, could you maybe do that again?” You look at Tyler, who still hasn’t expressed an emotion of any kind. He just stares at you. 

Tyler finally bites his lip and answers, “Yeah, okay, I get what you're saying but maybe you should ask Josh to…” You interrupt him, “I did, I asked him! But…it’s not… it’s not the same.” Tyler nods, his lips pressed together, “Hmm, yeah, I don’t know what that means.” You move closer to him, “I can’t really explain it, but yesterday… I felt shivers.” Tyler frowns and his lips part slightly. “You weren’t cold…” He mumbles, more to himself than to you. “It’s just whispering. It’s not like we would be doing something wrong.” You say, in a last attempt to convince him. 

But Tyler just shakes his head, “Sorry sweetheart, I really don’t think I can help you out with this.” You had somehow expected his reaction, but you’re still very disappointed for some reason. You look down at your hands, nodding in understanding and pouting your lips. Tyler looks you up and down and then suddenly leans in, “I don’t think Josh will appreciate the fact that I’m giving his girlfriend shivers…if you know what I mean.” He whispers. The hair on your arms and neck stand up immediately. You have to keep from gasping at the sudden sensation. Tylers face is only inches away from yours and the look in his eyes is playful. You don’t really know how to respond to him, but you know you don’t want him to stop. 

“It’s not like that. It’s not like that all.” You say softly. Tyler places his hand on your arm and whispers, “I know it’s not, but it could be, right?”


	3. Chapter Three

You stop breathing for a second. Tyler has a grin on his face and you just keep staring at him. You should tell him to stop, tell him that this is not okay. But he softly strokes the skin on your arm with his thumb and the look in his eyes is hypnotizing. You panic but you don't move. Then Tyler bursts out in laughter. He takes his hand away and brings it up to his mouth, covering his smile. "Jeez, I'm just messing with you!" He says. You shake your head. You don't know what to say. Tyler stops smiling and looks at you. The expression on his face is serious now. "You love him, right?" He asks, almost afraid to know the answer. "Yes, of course I do." You say angrily and you move away from him. "Then why did you look at me that way?" Tyler asks, with a smug smile on his face. "What?" You ask, pretending to be confused by his question. But you know exactly what he means. Tyler chuckles, "Oh c'mon..." You snort and turn around. This conversation needs to end right here. Tyler doesn't stop you, he just watches you walk out.

It's been a quiet morning. You barely got any sleep last night. Even though you had been able to avoid Tyler during the rest of the day, the memory of what had happened stuck with you all through the night. You heard Josh moan in his sleep. He does that sometimes when he's stressed out. But you didn't have the heart to wake him up. So you stayed in bed a little bit longer than usual. After that you had coffee and went to the venue, where the guys already started soundchecking. 

You're standing at the barricades at the front of the seated area. Josh is behind his drums on stage. You watch him as he sets up his gear and does his routine. You smile, finally feeling a little bit relaxed. But that feeling doesn't last very long. You jump up at Tyler, grabbing you from behind and wrapping his arms around your waist. He pins you against the barricades. "Your boyfriend looks really hot out there, don't you think?" He whispers in your ear. You gasp. Tylers lips are pretty much pressed against your ear. He giggles and then switches to your other ear and continues to whisper. "I looked it up. It's called ASMR." He pauzes for a second. "The physical response of pleasure to certain sounds...sounds like whispering, crispy paper...it could be anything, really." He stops whispering but your body is nearly extatic with tingles and you close your eyes. All the noise in the venue drowned out by Tylers voice. "It's especially nice when the sound moves...from ear..." He moves behind you, "...to...", reaching your other ear, "...ear...just breathing..." He breathes out softly, against your ear and neck. You are determined to control the shivers this time, but you feel goosebumps all over your skin.

Tyler notices it too. He smiles at the sight of your pleasure and then places his index finger gently on the skin behind your ear. "It could be combined with small touches, likes this..." He says, softly tracing his finger down your neck. The combination of his whispers, warm breath on your skin and his touch is too much. You can't hold back a shiver running through your spine. Tyler lets his finger slide down to the collar of your shirt and then places his hand on your back. He switches to your other ear again, "Look at your boyfriend." He commands. You open your eyes to look at Josh. He's talking to Ben who's holding some cimbals. "He can't give you shivers the way I do, can he?"

At that moment Michaels voice sounds through from behind you. "What the hell are you doing?" Tyler lets go of you instantly and turns around. He giggles uncomfortably. "What? You've never seen Titanic?" He asks, referring to a scene from the movie. Michael rolls his eyes and responds, "Yeah, I remember it was about a boat." Tyler points at him, "That's the one." He says, sarcasm in his voice. "I also remember that the two people standing on the deck were madly in love." Michael says, crossing his arms, obviously speaking out judgement. You look down at your feet, cursing yourself for letting Tyler put you in this situation. You bite your lip. "Uhm...I'm gonna take a nap, I'm actually pretty tired." You say, forcing a smile while you walk past both guys and out the door.

Michael looks at Tyler and takes a step towards him. Tyler leans on to the barricades, staring into the empty arena. "He's not gonna forgive you...not for this." Michael says, crooked smile. Tyler breathes in loudly. "There's nothing to forgive. I don't know what you think you saw, but nothing's going on." Tyler says. Michael shakes his head. "Maybe. But I've known you since kindergarten. You can't lie for shit." He says causing Tyler to look up at him. "I'm not lying." Tyler snaps. Michael raises his hands in defence. "Okay. But if you fall for her...I'm just saying...it will be the end of all of this." He says, gesturing to the arena. Tyler doesn't respond, he just turns his head away and looks at his best friend, drumming his heart out on stage.


	4. Chapter Four

After the show that night, you toss and turn in your bunk. Josh is next to you, fast asleep. You wish you could do the same. You're so tired, but your mind is keeping you occupied. Why would Tyler act this way? You know him well enough to know he would never hurt Josh. He would hurt everyone around him, but never Josh. So you are still bewildered by the way he grabbed you earlier, leaned in with his whole body, definitely making a point. He wanted you to be aroused by him. And even though ASMR has nothing to do with sex, it is a physical thing. The fact that Tyler used it to wind you up like that, is not the worst idea. It actually worked and now you can't help but feel guilty over it. You look at Josh. His beautiful face is lit up by the little nightlight. He looks so peaceful and relaxed. But you find yourself struggling to relax. Perhaps it has something to do with the 7 cups of coffee you've had today.

You sigh and decide to take a little break. You step out of the bunk, quickly putting on your grey Uggs. Heading quietly out the sleeping quarters, you enter the sitting area and stop when you see Tyler sitting there. He's playing Mario Kart. You bite your lip and stay still. Maybe he won't notice you. But then you roll your eyes at the idea and softly say, "Hi." Your voice is hoarse and you turn to open the fridge. You take out the orange juice, open it and take a big sip. You look at Tyler who greets you with a shy nod. He continues to play his game. You notice how tired his eyes look and realize it's probably wearing him out as well. So you decide that you should at least try to talk about it. 

You sit down on the L shaped sofa and put the bottle of o.j. on the coffee table in front of you. Tyler quickly glances at you but he doesn't speak. He just keeps playing. You take a deep breath and say, "Maybe we should talk about it." Tyler doesn't respond right away, but then he sighs and shakes his head. "About what?" He asks, not once taking his eyes off the screen. You tap your fingers on your knee. "Look, it's my fault, okay. I shouldn't have brought it up and now we're in this situation... Just...forget I ever said anything." You say and watch Tyler as he puts down the controller. "Well, it's too late for that now." He says. You frown, "Yeah, I mean, I'm not saying we didn't cross any lines. But there's no damage done." Tyler sniffs and then chuckles, "No damage done..." He repeats and turns to face you. 

"Tell me something." He says, "Why are you with him?" He leans on the back of the couch with one arm. You pout your lips and say, "He's sweet...and funny and..." Tyler waves his hand, " Yeah yeah, I know. He's the greatest guy in the world. And that's all true. He is. But this isn't about him. It's about you. Why are YOU with him?" He asks. You stare at him, thoughts racing through your head. "Are you saying I don't deserve him?" You ask, slightly insulted. "That's not what I said." Tyler responds. "Then what exactly are you saying?" You tilt your head and squint your eyes. Tyler looks up, as if he's searching for the right words, "I'm just...baffled. Why? Because it seems to me that everytime you need to talk, you come to me. Everytime you seek advice, you come to me. You want input on your art, you come to me. And now...there's this physical connection? I'm not saying that you should..."He stops in the middle of his sentence and looks away, painfully frowning. "He's my best friend, I won't do that to him." He continues and then looks at you again. "I won't. No matter how great we would be together." His dark brown eyes are wide open. You wait for a few seconds, pondering at his words. 

"You forgot one thing." You say. He lifts his eyebrows and asks, "Oh yeah? What's that?" You shuffle closer to him. "Affection." You say. Tyler bites his lip. "Whenever I need affection, I don't come to you." Your voice is soft but filled with determination. Tyler just keeps biting the corner of his lip. "Cause no matter how wonderfull you are, Tyler...there's something cold and distant about you. And it doesn't make me feel safe." 

Tyler swallows and you can see that his eyes are tearing up. You hate seeing him this emotional, but there's nothing you can do now to make it stop. So you look away and then slowly stand up from the couch. But Tyler suddenly grabs your wrist, pulling you back down. You look straight into his dark, hurt, eyes and your heart skips a beat. "It's not me." He says in a soft, crackling voice. "I promise." He adds. You sigh and place your free hand on his cheek. "I know." You say and gently kiss him on the lips. "Goodnight, Tyler."


	5. Chapter Five

A few weeks pass and everything seems to go slowly back to normal. You haven't discussed it anymore with Tyler and the awkwardness has gone. You're nothing more than gratefull for that, cause you need to be able to be around Tyler if you wanna be with Josh.

You sit in your hotel room. The bed is covered in paperclippings, colored markers and scissors. A knock on the door breaks your concentration and you hear someone fumbling at the doorknob. "It's open!" You yell and then Tyler walks in. He quickly looks around the room. "Josh here?" He asks. You shake your head, "No, he went out into the city with Mark." You say. Tyler nods softly but he keeps standing in the doorway. You take a red marker and write down the word "Blurry" on the large carton board in front you. Tyler watches you and then he closes the door behind him. 

"What are you doing?" He asks and walks closer to the bed. "Making a moodboard." You respond quickly without looking up. Tyler chuckles, "Oh yeah? What moooood?" He jokes and walks over to the side of the bed. He angles his head and looks at the board. You shrug, "That's why they call it a board. So that I'm able to express ALL my different moods." You respond smiling. Tyler sits down next to you. He points at the board. "Why the red?" He asks. You keep your eyes focused on the board and very casually say, "Cause I'm angry." Tyler looks briefly at you and then back at the board. "Okay, and why the black?" 

You turn your head to face him and bite your lip. "Cause I'm sad..." You respond in a soft voice. Tyler looks at you, his eyes are big. You look down at the board again and keep arranging different pictures on it. But Tyler moves to sit behind you and wraps his arms around your waist. He rests his head on the back of your shoulder. You keep very still, holding a piece of paper in one hand and letting your other hand rest on his arm. He doesn't move, he just holds you like this. "Uhm...what...what is this?" You ask, uncomfortably. Tyler lifts his head slightly and says, "It's a hug." You nod, "Oh. Right." Tyler places his head back on your shoulder and says, "Is it helping?" You can't help but smile at his question. He's obviously trying to make you feel better and you find that utterly endearing.

So you put down the paperclipping and try to unwrap his arms, so you have the space to turn around and face him. Tyler looks at you, unsure of what is happening. But you gently wrap your arms around his neck and place your head on his shoulder. He sinks into the hug. His hands are slowly caressing your back. After a few seconds, you feel comfortable. You feel safe, and warm. You close your eyes and Tyler does the same thing. You just sit like this for a while. Not speaking, just holding eachother, listening to eachother breathing. A minute passes. Two minutes pass. The longer you are in his embrace, the more you feel like you could stay here forever. Tyler just keeps his arms around you, his cheek softly resting against the back of your head. You almost doze off listening to the sound of his breath, but then he opens his mouth and whispers, "I love you." 

Your eyes open instantly. But you don't move. You are completely taken off guard by his words. Tyler also opens his eyes. Should he wait for your response or should he pretend it never happened? Why did he say it? He could hit himself in the head right now. You wait a few more seconds and then you let go. You stare straight into his eyes. He smiles awkardly at you, but you smile back at him. You try to put him at ease while you stroke his cheek with the palm of your hand. Tyler relaxes almost right away. He keeps his eyes focused on you and then slowly leans in. You let him press his soft warm lips on yours, and you kiss him. It's a sweet, gentle kiss. Just your lips touching and your eyes closing. But when Tyler pulls back, the look in his eyes has changed. It's darker and much more intense. He grabs both your shoulders and kisses you again. Hard this time. You can barely catch your breath as he presses his mouth on yours and doesn't let go. You push your hands up against his chest, trying to make him move back. But he only stops because he decides to stop. The panic in your eyes is very present, but the look in Tylers eyes hasn't changed. You swear for a second you saw a glimpse of red in there. But it must have been the reflection of the paint and marker on your board. "Tyler?" You say, but it sounds more like a question. 

He shakes his head, as if he wants get rid of whatever is haunting him. Then he lets go of your shoulders and the look in his eyes returns to normal. His shoulders hang down, as if he's ashamed and he scrapes his throat. "Sorry..." He whispers and then gets up off the bed. He seems agitated, pulling up his pants and tugging on his shirt. Then he points to the moodboard. "Who's blurry?" He asks. You frown and look at the red written word in front of you. "I dunno." You answer, weirded out by the fact that Tyler would consider it to be a person. "Hmm." Tyler hums and then walks towards the door. "You tell Josh I'm looking for him, okay?" He says casually and leaves.


	6. Chapter Six

Of course you didn't tell Josh. Why should you tell him? It would only cause drama and you keep convincing yourself that it's not worth it. Tyler has been acting so casual around both of you. Almost like nothing ever happened. You on the other hand are completely stressed out. Keeping secrets isn't exactly your strong suit and it eats you inside. But you try to gain strength from their friendship and the fact that it matters more than one stupid kiss. 

Today you will spend some time alone. It's exactly what you needed. You take your book, sunglasses, towel, phone and earbuds to the roof of the hotel. Being in Florida has it upsides. The sun is bright when you walk on to the roof terrace. You take a seat in one of the chairs, carefully folding your towel over the pillow. You smile, happy that you decided last minute to bring your bikini. Sunbathing is something you rarely do, but today it will be your only activity. You sigh as you lean back. This is your moment of carefree relaxation. The sounds of The Postal Service are like a massage for your brain as you zone out.

You must have fallen asleep. You gasp and sit up straight. Josh is standing next to your chair. He's biting his lip and slowly rubbing his forehead. You take out the earbuds, and look at him. "Babe...you are sooooo burned..." He says and can't stop himself from giggling. You look down at your legs. The moment you come to realize how red they are, you notice the pain. It spreads like a blanket, covered in pins, all over your body. "Oooh, shit." You curse and you jump up from the chair. Josh holds out his arms, "Calm down, don't touch anything." He says, now worried about you. "We gotta get you inside, maybe cool you down." He frowns and watches your face intensely. "Yeah, you need cold water right away." You look at Josh. Getting up so suddenly, jumping from your chair, was obviously not the best idea. The rush of blood catches you off guard. You try to focus on Josh his words. But the shape of his face is unclear and so are the words coming out of his mouth. In the corner of your eye you see a dark figure running up to Josh. It's the last thing you see before everything turns black.

When you open your eyes, Tyler is looking at you. His face is right in front of you and he's pressing a cold wet towel on your forehead and neck. Josh is sitting behind you, holding you in his arms. He must have caught you as you fell. He seems to be talking to someone, but you can't find the strength to turn your head. Tyler looks up at Josh, "Hey...hey, she's waking up." Tyler says hastly. Josh presses his lips to your ear and softly whispers, "You're okay, baby. It's okay." You slowly start to become aware of your surroundings. "I'm gonna pick you up, okay?" Josh asks, softly. "We're gonna get you to your room. It's okay."

Tyler exits the bathroom, holding more cold wet towels. You can see Josh talking to him, but the sounds fade out continuously. You try to move your arms across the bedsheets, but you can't seem to move. The room is spinning and the air is so dry. Tyler nods as Josh runs out of the room. He then directs his attention to you, as he sits down next to you on the bed. "Hey..." He says and gently presses one of the towels on your chest. "I'm gonna put these on your legs, okay?" He gets up slightly to wrap the wet cold towels around your legs. When he turns back to you, you notice the black spots covering his face. "Tyler..." You groan. Your lips are dry as you try to speak. Tyler reaches out to the nightstand and takes a bottle of water. He holds it up to your lips, helping you to drink. "Don't worry, sweetheart. The doctor is on his way. And Josh went out to get some icepacks. He will be right back, it's gonna be allright." He says, almost whispering. You can hear the words but your vision is messed up.

You swallow the water and lay your head back down. "...Ty...your face..." You sigh. Tyler leans in. You wanna look him in the eyes, but it's all black and faded. "What is it?" Tyler whispers at you. You shut your eyes, pressing them closed, and moan, "...face...is blurry..."


	7. Chapter Seven

You open your eyes to a pitch black room. The pounding in your head disguises the pain in your limbs. It takes you a few seconds to realise where you are. Those seconds are followed by minutes of you wondering if this is what it feels like when you're dying. You are laying on your right side and after a century of moaning, groaning and suffering, you manage to turn on your back. You breathe out, trying not to cry. You remember the doctor coming by, establishing you have a sunstroke. The vomiting came first, followed by fever and severe pains. But right now the thirst is unbearable. "Josh?" You whisper. No response. You brace yourself and stretch out your left arm. You touch the cold side of the small wooden cabinet next to the bed. Your hand travels up to find a light, but instead you knock over a glass bottle on top of the cabinet and it shatters to the floor.

The sound cuts right through your body and startles you. You cover your eyes with your hands, trying to drown out the noise. Despair hits you like a train and you sob twice before removing your hands from your eyes. When you do, you stare straight into Tylers eyes. A faint light is burning in the corner of the room. Your eyes are adjusting to the sudden light. You look at Tyler moving. It's like slow motion and his shape is fading with every move, leaving a trace of colors behind. "Rainbow..." Your voice is hoarse and soft, as you reach out trying to grab Tylers shadow. "Shhh...yes, you look like a rainbow." Tyler whispers, smiling and gently takes your hand. "A very purple rainbow." He chuckles. He puts your arm gently down to the mattress and then slides his hand behind your neck. He lifts your head just enough for you to be able to drink. Bringing a large glass of water up to your lips, he continues to softly whisper at you.

"I'm sorry, we can't leave a light on...you need to be in a very dark room right now. But we're always right here, okay? Don't worry, we'll take care of you." Tyler keeps whispering, as he puts the glass down. You lick your lips, but they are still dry and cracked. You close your eyes and gasp at the sudden touch of Tylers finger on your lips. He carefully rubs the lip balm across your bottom lip, his eyes focused on your mouth. Then he does the same with your upperlip, making sure the balm is spread out evenly. You feel like crying. He is so gently with you, covering you in wet cold towels and icepacks, while whispering calming words to you. You can't figure out if it's the cold towels, the fever, the airconditioning in the room, or Tylers whispering, but you've never shivered this much in your life before.

You think you've slept, but you're not sure. You're still tired, although the headache has gone. The faint light is back, but Tyler is gone. You're startled at the sound of something hitting the bathroom sink. "Shit..." You hear Josh cursing under his breath. Your heart starts to race. You remember Josh was stroking your neck, tying your hair back and pressing cold towels on your back, while you were vomiting. You remember feeling awful and ashamed, but you also remember not wanting to have anyone else by your side. Josh walks out of the bathroom, smiling when he notices you're awake. "Hey babe, how are you feeling?" He asks in the cutest way possible. He sits down next to you, placing his fingertips on your cheek. You sigh and smile at him. "Amazing..." You whisper. Josh chuckles at your answer. "Well, I'm happy to see that the sun didn't burn your sense of humor." He says and lifts his eyebrows. He helps you drink and then takes a tube of lotion, squirting some of it on his hand. You frown at the sight of it. It seems like some kind of gel. Josh puts the tube down and then looks at you. "This is not gonna be pleasant." He says.

The gel is cool but the touch of his hand, even though it's so very light and soft, brings on a pain that you can't describe. Josh tries to be as carefull as possible, but it's not his fault. He bites his lip and stops halfway your legs. "I'm sorry...but the doctor said...sorry..." He stutters. The black spots have returned and you can't really tell left from right anymore. You puff a few times, "No...it's...okay..." You say, closing your eyes and preparing yourself for more pain. But Josh doesn't continue. You open your eyes to look at him, only to find that he's no longer there. "Josh?" Your voice is hoarse but screechy. "Shhhh..." You hear a hushing sound coming from across the room. It spreads and enters your ears louder than how it started out. The faint light is still burning, but you can't see anyone. "Josh?" You ask again, a tear rolling down your temple as you try to lift your head. But you're too weak and then the faint light dies out and the room is pitch black again.


	8. Chapter Eight

You wake up sweating. You seem out of breath, although you can't imagine why. Tyler leans over you and immediately presses a cold wet towel on your forehead. You keep your eyes focused on him, wishing for him to talk. But Tyler stays quiet. He gently rubs the towel down your cheeks and your neck. You keep gasping for air as he works his way down, his eyes following his trace. The soft cold dabbing is causing your skin to crawl and you twitch with every touch. Tyler glances at your face and then rubs the towel very slowly over your breasts. The sensation is so real, it almost feels as if you're naked. Oh my god, are you naked? Your eyes are wide open as you look down at your naked chest, only covered in Tylers hands holding the towel. Your nipples respond to the cold instantly and you gasp at the sight of your naked body. You can't move but for some reason you're not even trying.

Tyler doesn't look at you, he just focuses on the towel and the slow strokes he's making. You moan inside your mouth, lips slightly parting. Tyler slowly continues to your belly, making you twitch even more. "Mmm, you like this, don't you?" Tyler whispers. You moan again, a little bit louder this time. "You do..." He smiles and then leans in closer, "I know what you want..." Tylers voice is so soft and his warm breath against your cheek is a stark contrast to the cold touches on your skin. The pain you've felt before has completely vanished, replaced by tingles and shivers. "You want to hear me whisper...and you want to feel me...close..." Tyler says, soft voice and a deep intense look in his eyes. "...close..." You reply, whispering. You long for more now, unashamed of your naked body and the fact that he's your boyfriends best friend. Tyler doesn't seem to care much either as he continues, whispering now, "So close...so close to me...don't you? You want me..." He moves the towel between your thighs, "...right there..." Your muscles contract. This sudden intimacy is too much for you. "No..." You moan, trying to fight whatever this is. "No?" Tyler asks, sitting back up, looking slightly disappointed. "Josh..." You whisper as you close your eyes.

"Right here, baby." You open your eyes, shocked to find Josh sitting exactly where Tyler was sitting one second ago. "What?" You groan, frowning and trying to push yourself up on your elbows. "Wooow, no no, you need to lay down, babe. You have a fever, higher than before." Josh puts down a thermometer and starts pouring a glass of water. "You need to drink. A lot. Okay?" Josh says, while he holds the glass up to your lips. You take some sips, but you can't seem to swallow very well. You want to pull away, but Josh presses the glass harder to your lips. "Drink." He demands. His voice sounds different. Colder. You shake your head softly, but then Josh starts pouring the water into your mouth. "I told you to drink, didn't I?" He says as he keeps pouring. You're almost choking on the water now, making it drip all over your chin. You close your eyes, looking to escape from all of this. Finally the glass is being removed from your mouth and you're able to breathe again. "DRINK."

You dream of water. A lifeboat in the ocean and a man in a red suit, standing up straight. You keep yelling at him to sit down, as the waves crash into the boat. But he doesn't seem to hear you. His back is turned at you. All you can see is his red jacket, his red trousers and the black sky above him. You reach out to grab him and pull him down but when you stretch out your arm it seems like he is miles away. Then the waves stop and the sky opens up. It feels like rain. Softly dripping from your hair. You look at your feet. You're wearing shoes but they're not your own. Flowers are growing in fast tempo around your shoes, like a fast foward movie. You gasp and try to get up, before you are completely entangled. When you do, you notice the man in the red suit is gone. And the rain is gone too. You are alone. Alone in a lifeboat. The sky is no longer black and the water is calm.

"HEY." The sound shocks you and you open your eyes. You're shaking, trying to figure out where to look, but the room is so dark. "WANNA PLAY?" The deep voice closes in on you and you feel a breeze of cold air across your face. You can't speak. Fear grabs you by the throat and you struggle just to breathe or swallow. "HEY." It sounds once again. You gasp. The voice is coming from right next to you, speaking directly into your ear. You're afraid to turn your head, but you know you have to. You whine softly. "PLAY WITH ME." The voice demands as you slowly turn your head to stare it right in the face. But when you do, the room turns with you and you find yourself staring into complete darkness again.


	9. Chapter Nine

Tyler is sitting in the black armchair across from the bed. He's leaning back, squinting his eyes and fiddling with his fingers. The curtains are closed, but the lamp in the corner of the room is burning. The light creates a dark large shadow on the wall above your bed. You turn on your back while you sleep and moan softly. Tyler keeps his eyes glued on you. He listens to your breathing for a while, deciding on what he should do. Then he gets up swiftly and walks over to the bed. He stands next to the bed for more than a few seconds. Your face is warm and sweaty, making your hair stick to your cheeks. Tyler sighs and grabs a cold towel from the cooler, which is strategically placed next to your bed. He sits down on the bed, gently pressing the towel onto your cheeks. His other hand moves to take the strands of hair from your face and he puts them behind your ear. He strokes your head softly and keeps cooling you down. Your breathing is shaky and soft short moans escape your mouth here and there.

"Shhh...it's all gonna be okay..." Tyler whispers at you. He looks at your sweaty neck and chest, and moves the cold towel down to your chest. You moan, which makes Tyler look up at your face in surprise. At that moment, Josh walks in and closes the door almost in one quick motion. He nods at Tyler, who keeps the towel pressed against your chest while looking at Josh. "Her fever hasn't gone down. Maybe we should call that doctor again." Tyler says. But Josh shakes his head, takes a bottle of water from the cooler and drinks half of it. "He said it would take at least two days, and it's only been one." Josh answers calmly. "Yeah, but she's..." Tylers voice fades out as another moan escapes you. Josh frowns and puts the bottle down. He puts his arm on Tylers shoulder. "Why don't you let me..." He gestures and Tyler understands what he means. Tyler lets go of the towel and stands up from the bed. Josh takes his place and the towel, to continue what Tyler started.

"LET ME IN." You smash your hand into the pillow next to you. But you hit nothing but air and fabric. The room is still pitch black and you want to sleep, but the voice keeps you awake. Fear has been replaced with anger. You feel like this is never going to end and it's frustrating. "YOU DON'T WANT IT TO END." It answers to your thoughts. It knows what's inside your head. You gasp, small waves of fear coming over you again. "IT WILL ALL BE OKAY." You close your eyes and shake your head, exhausted. "It will all be okay." Tyler whispers to you. When you open your eyes to look at the face of this familiar voice, you notice that you're crying. Tyler hushes you and strokes your hair. The expression on his face is serious and his voice is soft, "Don't be afraid of the monsters...they might be able to see you...but they...definitely...cannot...touch you." You press your lips together, but the tears keep rolling down your face. Tyler uses his thumb to gently wipe them off. He brings his face close to yours and then whispers softly into your ear, "We were born into the darkness. We don't fear the monsters, no...we look them in the eye and we are one with them. Because...we are...darkness."

"He...he's keeping...me...awake." You mumble through your tears. Tyler nods his head, almost furiously. "I know...I know... But he can't harm you. Not while I'm here." He whispers. His fingers keep stroking your hair. And although his touch and his words are calming you, the vague colors and shadows are making it hard for you to see. Tyler lifts his head and looks you straight in the eye. You try to focus. You blink to stop the tears from blurring your vision, but it only seems to get worse. "I won't let anything happen to you. Promise." Tyler says in a soft voice but his eyes are no longer the deep brown color that they usually are. He shakes his head slightly, revealing the red that colors his eyes and you bald your fists, tightly holding on to the bedsheets. This must be a dream, another nightmare. But the longer you stare, the more vague the shape of his face becomes. And pretty soon it's like a veil is covering his entire face and neck. "LET ME IN." The deep voice comes from underneath the veil this time. "It's you..." You groan, squinting your eyes. "Blurry..." 

Josh rubs his hand through his hair and keeps pacing the room. The look in his eyes reveils sadness. "I don't know what's happening to her. I don't know how to help." He says and his voice is trembling. Tyler, still sitting in the armchair, bites the inside of his cheek. He just stares at you, without even paying attention to Josh his distress and then sighs. He leans forward and looks down to the floor, softly mumbling, "You should consider yourself lucky." Josh stops pacing and looks at Tyler. "What are you talking about?" He asks, slightly frustrated. Tyler shakes his head, looks up at Josh and says, "She called me by his name, Josh. She saw him." Josh frowns and his lips part, like he wants to speak but doesn't know what to say. The room stays quiet and then Josh whispers, "What did you do?" 


	10. Chapter Ten

“PLAY WITH ME. IT’S VERY VERY FUN.” You reach out to grab the veil that is covering Tylers face. But when you get hold of the silky fabric, it gives off some kind of electric shock. You scream out in pain as you pull your hands away. “AM I REAL NOW?” The dark voice asks. You look at him. He looks like a dark ghost, but the hands that are wrapped around your throat are Tylers. You gasp at his touch. It takes you a few seconds to realise that he’s choking you and when you do, you are too tired to actually fight back. You try to push him away and kick your legs in despair. But he’s much stronger than you and eventually the black spots take up your whole vision and the room disappears.

When you wake up, Josh is standing at the footend of your bed. He looks at you, but doesn’t speak. To your surprise his eyes seem swollen and red. Josh doesn’t often cry. Something must be wrong. You discard the pain in your limbs and head as you push yourself to sit up straight. “Josh? Baby?” You ask, concerned. His mouth opens up, and he starts to speak to you, but there’s no sound. In fact, all you can hear is a soft humming noise, like some sort of machine is running in the background. You frown at Josh, “I can’t…baby…I can’t hear you…” You say, but then Josh stops to talk and points at something in the corner of the room, to your right side. 

You turn your head to look what he’s pointing at. Your eyes are adjusting to the shadows and then you see it. You see him. The man in the red suit. He’s standing there in the corner, his back once again turned at you. His neck and the back of his head is just black, as are his hands. The humming sound is now ringing in your ears and you turn back to where Josh was standing, but he is no longer there. You panic, thinking you should get out of this room as fast as you can. But no matter how hard you try, your legs are just not moving. You start to cry, trying everything to get out of the bed. You place your fingertips around the corners of the wooden cabinet next to your bed. You pull and pull and pull, dragging your fingernails across the wood, but then suddenly something grabs you from behind. 

It has his arms wrapped around your waist, putting pressure on your chest and pulling you back. You look at the corner of the room, only seeing shadows and you gasp for air as it covers your mouth with his hands. “SHHHH…QUIET NOW.” The voice whispers at you from behind. You try to scream, but his hands are tightly pressing down on your mouth and nose. Then the whispers continue, “IT’S MY TURN TO TALK THIS TIME.” You finally run out of breath and try to calm down before you choke. You stop fighting and feel how his hands are starting to let some air in, gently, making sure you can’t make a sound. You can hear him breathing in your ear. It’s warm against your skin, but it sounds nervous and tense. “I DIDN’T WANT TO HURT YOU…BUT I KNEW YOU WOULDN’T UNDERSTAND.” He pauzes for a minute, slowly breathing in your ear, “YOU SEE, I LIKE YOU… YOU’RE… SPECIAL…” He hisses and even though you are scared out of your mind, some part of you seems to enjoy this. The tingling sensation spreads down from your head to your back, and even down to your thighs. “HMM… WE HAVE SO MUCH TO DISCUSS… AND SO LITTLE TIME TO DISCUSS IT…” The shivers are now uncontrollable. It’s like an orgasm running though your spine. And you want to stop it, but you can’t. 

“YOU SEEM TO BE…ATTRACTED TO SOUNDS…YOU LIKE SOUNDS, DON’T YOU?” He chuckles and then continues to whisper at you, “YESSSSS…YOU REALLY ARE…SPECIAL…” The fear has completely vanished and the tingles and shivers have taken over your whole body and mind. You close your eyes, your head leaning back against his chest and you let him take the reigns. “THAT’S RIGHT…LET IT GO…JUST LET IT ALL GO…” He chuckles again, “WE’RE GOING TO HAVE A LOT OF FUN, YOU AND I…LOTS AND LOTS…OF FUN.”


	11. Chapter Eleven

“I don’t understand. How did this happen? I mean, I thought that…” Josh shakes his head in confusion. “Yeah, well, we thought wrong.” Tyler interrupts and gets up from the chair. “But…”, Josh bites his lips, “How could we be wrong?” He says. Tyler lifts his hands, palms up, “I dunno, Josh. But we are.” He says, rather blunt. Tyler paces the room and sighs. Josh is just baffled and he’s having a hard time swallowing, but he needs to because he knows that he’s about to cry. “She wasn’t supposed to get involved. I don’t understand how…” Josh says in a shaking voice. Tyler shakes his head, “I don’t either, but somehow, somewhere along the way, she must have caught his eye.” He responds. Josh tilts his head. For some reason he can’t help but think that Tyler must be responsible for all of this. “Tyler?” He asks. Tyler stops pacing and looks him straight in the eye. “What did you do?” Josh asks again. 

The way he touches you is phenomenal. You’ve always been very fond of warm embraces, soft touches and whispers. And it seems as if this thing knows exactly how to hit all the right keys. “DO YOU LIKE GAMES?” He whispers in your ear and you smile at the exciting thought of him playing with you. His voice is still deep and dark, but somehow it sounds more human than before. “I KNOW YOU CAN SEE ME…FEEL ME…SMELL ME…” He says, almost hissing. When you open your eyes, the room is completely lit up. It’s bright, but warm and you feel no more pain. Little twinkling stars surround you, like fireflies. You look around and smile, amazed at the beauty of it all. “DO YOU LIKE IT?” He asks, “I MADE THIS FOR YOU… ESPECIALLY…FOR YOU.” 

You want to turn around and face him. But he keeps you wrapped tightly in his embrace and then you feel his warm lips explore the skin of your neck. “I’M A PAINKILLER. I CAN HELP. YOU JUST HAVE TO LET ME…” He huffs in between his soft warm kisses. You let his hands cup your breasts, the thin fabric of your white tanktop revealing your excitement. “I KNOW WHAT YOU GO THROUGH. AND I KNOW HOW MUCH YOU WANT ME TO END IT FOR YOU.” His hands move down from your top to your panties. Black hands, like he has been digging in dirt. But they feel familiar for some reason. Without hesitation he shoves one of his hands into your panties, stroking your folds with care. You’ve never experienced such intense and controlled passion. “…Take me…” You sigh and close your eyes again.

Josh puts on his sunglasses and sits down on the stairs that lead up to the roof. He wanted to go outside. He needed to catch some air, but something is keeping him from moving too far away from the room that you are sleeping in. He lets his head rest in his hands, elbows on his knees. He should have kept you safe. He should have known. He could have at least avoided some of it but now it’s too late. For a second he felt the need to punch Tyler in the face, but that feeling vanished almost instantly when he looked into his friends eyes and saw the pain. 

The same pain that tears him apart right now. He kept you in the dark and now you literally are, in the dark. He is confused as to what will happen next. Tyler doesn’t seem to know either, although he is the one that knows how to control this. At least that’s how Josh sees it. He shakes his head and tries to keep himself from crying. Tears won’t help you, he knows that, but he just feels so inadequate to deal with this.

He knows that he needs Tyler. Without him he is lost. But it works both ways and now it’s not just the two of them anymore. Josh sighs and closes his eyes, while he rubs his eyelids with the palms of his hands. Then he feels it. The heat that comes with it. It makes him sweat and his ears buzz, like there are a million insects crawling around inside his head. Josh opens his eyes quickly and looks around to find that the walls are no longer white. They are red, like blood and he gasps, 'cause he has seen this before. “…WORTHLESSSSSSS…” Josh stands up, ready to fight whatever is coming up the staircase. He hears someone laugh, but it’s far away. The laughter sounds like a child chuckling and giggling. But then he realizes it’s Tyler. “HE TOOK HER.” The dark voice says. “I TOLD YOU…AND YOU DIDN’T LISTEN.” Josh is still standing there, while the laughter fades out and that’s when he decides he needs to find Tyler. He balls his fists, gathering all the courage he can find and then runs down the stairs. The red walls flash as he runs by, but he keeps his eyes focused on the floor beneath him. “RUN… RUN… RUN…”


	12. Chapter Twelve

You sigh at his touch. His fingers are exploring your wet spot with such precision. He seems to know you so well. He seems to know exactly what you like. He makes all your pain disappear and replaces it with pure bliss. He makes everything better. “RIGHT NOW IT’S JUST YOU AND ME. AND YOU…YES…I’VE BEEN WATCHING YOU…” His dark voice fills the void in your head. “YOU WALK AMONGST THEM…THE INSECTS…THEY’RE ALL TERRIBLE, BUT YOU’RE NOT. YOUR SKIN IS PURE, YOUR HAIR IS SOFT AND YOUR THOUGHTS ARE…JUST…FINE.” 

Tyler leans on the bed and studies your face, as you sweat and moan in your sleep. He squints his eyes and his lips part slightly. He focuses on the distorted image he’s looking at. “C’mon.” He grunts underneath his breath. His muscles are tense and his head starts to hurt. These sudden sharp pains always happen when he shows up. Tyler almost feels relieved to feel them at this moment. He’s trying so hard to find you. 

“THIS IS WHAT YOU WANTED, RIGHT?” A warm heavy stroke of air hits the skin on your neck. But suddenly all the oxygen seems to get sucked out of the room. You open your eyes, gasping. The warm dark hands have gone. Instead you stare straight into Tylers brown stark eyes. He’s standing at the footend of your bed with a determined look on his face. He opens his mouth and shouts, “No!” You are startled by his scream, but before you can even think, Tyler grabs your hand and pulls you from the bed. You land on your bare feet, standing next to him as he wraps his arms around your waist. He doesn’t speak, but he softly presses his lips on yours. You hold on to his shoulders, letting your arms slowly slide around his neck. His presence is so comforting. You let him kiss you while you glance over at the bed, to find that it is empty. You close your eyes again. 

“Tyler?” Josh asks. He’s standing in the doorway of the room. His face is flushed and he looks scared. Tyler is sitting on his knees, on the floor next to your bed. His elbows are resting on the bed, as he prays. His eyes are closed. He opens them, only to stare in the distance. Josh moves a few steps closer and then follows Tylers eyeline to the dark corner of the room. “I’ve got him.” Tyler says, smirking. Josh keeps looking at the shadows, but he can’t see what Tyler is seeing. He shakes his head, “Tyler…I don’t… is she safe?” His eyes shift to yours. A smile appears on his face. You are finally awake. 

Josh keeps urging you to drink, as he rubs your head and holds both your hands in his. “I was so worried, baby. You scared the living hell out of me, you know that?” He says in a soft voice. Tyler is sitting in the black armchair, the same spot he’s been in ever since you woke up. He doesn’t speak. He just sits there, looking at you and Josh. He bites his nails, seemingly stressed. You carefully drink from the water that Josh hands you. The water feels so real, although it has a weird taste. You take a sip and then silently whisper, “I had the weirdest dream…” Josh looks at Tyler, but Tylers gaze is just focused on you. You shake your head and drink from the water again. The taste is different now. You frown and look at Josh. But something isn't right. And then you realise it. His eyes are the brightest blue you have ever seen. Blue like the sky, like the ocean, like water. When you look back at the glass in your hand, it’s filled with spiders and flies. 

“Keep her still!” Tyler yells at Josh. Josh is trying to pin both of your arms against the mattress. You keep screaming, broken glass is spread out all over the floor. “Josh…!” Tylers voice sounds screechy as he tries to keep your legs still. Josh looks over at Tyler. But in the corner of his eye he sees the shadows moving. Tyler is groaning as you keep fighting and then he just drops his whole weight on top of you. He wraps his legs around yours, his arms tightly restraining yours and his face burried in your neck. “Stop. Stop…” He whispers in your ear. “Stop and listen. You have two choices now. You can either hold on to him, or you can hold on to me.” Tylers whispers send a soothing signal through your brain and it travels all the way down to your spine. You groan and twitch. “I know…I know…” Tyler keeps whispering. And then you’re still. Motionless. The room is calm and everything is silent. 

Josh breathes in and closes his eyes. He tries to calm down his nerves, but when he opens his eyes he sees how your arms are wrapped around Tylers body. He bites his lips and quickly walks out of the room. Tyler doesn’t move, he doesn’t seem to notice. He just keeps you wrapped up in his strong embrace, determined to keep you safe.


	13. Chapter Thirteen

The streetlights flash by as you sit in the back of the bus, staring out the window. You can’t shake the guilt. The guys had to cancel two shows just to stay with you at the hotel. This never happened before. Through sickness, through fatigue, through all the obstacles they face, they never had to cancel a show before. And then you came along. You bite your lips, feeling completely worthless and empty inside. The hallucinations and the dreams seemed so real. And although it hasn’t occured since you left the hotelroom, you feel haunted by them.

You closed the door to the hotelroom with a weird feeling in your stomach. Almost as if this place had awakened something inside of you and you knew that closing that door wouldn’t make it go away. For some reason you felt the need to be alone, so you had avoided everyone until you had no choice. But the bus was quiet and the drive seemed to last forever.

Josh didn’t really speak to you, apart from the occasional “Can I get you something?” but right now you couldn’t care much. You feel like he deserves better anyway. You can still smell Tylers skin, even though it wasn’t real. But it seems to linger and you can’t help but feel like you’re being unfaithfull.

The boys are eating noodles, but you’re not hungry. So you pass on the meal and go to your bunk instead. Once the curtain is closed and darkness surrounds you, all your thoughts vanish and you fall into a deep sleep. You dream of black clouds and rain. But suddenly you hear thunder and you open your eyes slowly. Someone has stumbled into the sleeping compartment, clearly going through suitcases to find something. You lift the curtain a little bit and see Tyler, squatting and rumbling through the luggage. He stops suddenly and then carefully pulls out a red beanie from one of the suitcases. He holds it with both hands, stares at it for a while and then puts it back. He zips up the suitcase and pushes it back on the bottom bunk, while he gets up and turns around. You close the curtain quickly before he spots you and lay on your back, not moving as he walks passed you.

But when he opens the door, you hear someone else walk inside. “What are you doing here?” You recognise Josh his soft voice. “Just…looking for something.” Tyler responds, whispering. “She’s asleep in there, can’t you wait?” Josh sounds aggrivated. Tyler sighs, “She’s not waking up, she hasn’t slept properly in days and he wore her out, you know what that’s like.” There’s a moment of silence between them. You lay still, wondering what they are doing. “Maybe I should talk to her?” Josh says silently, but Tyler whispers loudly, “No! Why would you do that?” “Because, she seems really freaked out.” Josh responds. “Nah…she might not even remember it all. Besides what would you say?” Tyler whispers. “I dunno…” Josh starts, but Tyler interrupts, “We just need to play again. Tomorrow. And the night after tomorrow. And the night after that.” Silence again. Some shuffling, some breathing. “Josh?” Some more shuffling. “I think I know what to do next.” Tyler whispers, “She showed me.” You turn your head slightly, to make sure you hear what comes next. But the compartment remains silent and then both of them walk out and close the door behind them.

The next morning you wake up next to Josh. His alarm clock is playing Katy Perry’s _Roar_ and you open one eye to look at him, while he grunts and turns it off. He rubs his face and then turns to you. You still keep one eye closed and look at him through the other. It distorts your perspective, but you kinda like it when things look different. Josh smiles and says chuckling, “You got the eye of the tiger.” You smile back at him, “A fighter? Dancing through the fire?” You ask sarcastically. Josh laughs and kisses you on the lips, “You’re my champion, baby.” He whispers and kisses you again. You feel a sense of relief. You missed his affection and the normality of this situation. You wrap your arms around his neck, pushing yourself closer to him. He takes you in for a long, warm hug. The smile on your face reveils your peace of mind and it seems like a whole new day.

You are brushing your teeth and washing your face in the smallest bathroom imaginable. But you don’t let it bother you as you spit out the toothpaste and cleanse your mouth with water. But when you lift your head and look back in the mirror, you are shocked to find that the skin on your neck is completely peeling off. You gasp at the sight of it. You know that a sunburn results in this, but it’s only your neck. Not your chest, your shoulders, your back. Not even your face. And you’re pretty sure it wasn’t there before. “Urgh…gross…” You mumble and you take out the sunburn lotion from your toiletbag, rubbing it all over your hands. But when you do, the skin on your hands starts to peel off as well. The dead skin mixes with the lotion and you quickly turn on the water to wash it off. When you do, you look at your wet bare hands. The skin has peeled off entirely, including your wrists, almost fading out on your lower arms. You frown and decide to try and wash your neck with water, to see if the skin peels off entirely as well. You softly dry off with your towel and find that it does. The skin in your neck has peeled off in just the same way. It almost looks like a dark line underneath your chin and it goes all the way down to stop at the collar of your shirt.

When you quietly exit the bathroom to look for a scarf, Tyler is standing right outside the door. He looks at you and hands you a red silk scarf. You take it and give him a questioning look. “How did you…?” You stutter, completely taken off guard, but Tyler leans in and whispers at you, “The markings on your skin…I made them.”


	14. Chapter Fourteen

Tyler just looks at you, smirking. You feel your blood boiling. You squeeze the scarf so tightly, your knuckles are turning white. All you can think of is the dark voice and now it feels like you’re back in that room. Tyler just stands there, the words he just spoke are still lingering in between you. Your heart fills with fear and rage. “No! I am not doing this again!” You scream at Tyler and you push the red scarf back in his hands. You walk passed him, but he turns around and follows you into the sleeping compartment. 

You run your fingers through your hair. Tyler hastly checks all the bunks to see if nobody is in there. “Tyler, please…just leave…” You plead, wishing Josh was here. “Shh, calm down! Calm down, okay?” Tyler hushes you and places his hands on your shoulders. “Listen, you need to wear the red tonight, okay?” He says and you can see the distress in his eyes. You frown, “What? Why…?” You ask, confused. But Tyler just shakes his head, “The colors, you see, they are very...specific.” He looks at you, “You need to wear the red tonight. You have to promise me you will.” He keeps pushing the red scarf against your chest until you take it from him and fiddle with it a bit. “What did you do to me?” Your voice is tiny and tears are filling up your eyes. Tyler bites his lip and shakes his head again. “I’m sorry…” He whispers and then pulls you in for a hug. You let him, cause right now it’s the most comforting feeling in the world. He turns his head, presses his lips against your ear and silently whispers, “I’m gonna make it all better…I promise you…” 

Josh is staring at his own reflection in the mirror. The dressing room feels so empty and white. He bites his lips, more nervous than usual. Tonight is gonna be different, he knows it. But Tyler is gonna be there with him, right next to him. He closes his eyes and imagines himself sitting behind his drums. He raises his hands, balls his fists and starts to play like he would on stage. Hitting the air around him. There’s only one word to describe what he feels when he is playing, when he’s inside of his own world. That word is freedom. He can shake off all his sorrow, all his fears, all that haunts him. Tyler often says that he needs to write, not just because he wants to, but because he truly needs to. And Josh knows exactly what that means. He needs to play his drums. He needs to hit them as hard as he can tonight. And God knows he will. If not for him and Tyler, then for you. He stops, a lump forming in his in throat. He keeps his eyes closed as he thinks of you. He was so upset to see you wear that scarf earlier. But Tyler winked at him, which made him feel less anxious. 

“Baby?” You ask, while you open the door to the dressing room. Josh opens his eyes and smiles at you in the mirror. You smile back at him. “You okay?” You sit down on the chair next to him and put your hand on his leg. Josh furrows his eyebrows and chuckles, “Me? Yeah…I mean, I’m way more worried about you. You seem so…off. Like, ever since you woke up, I mean, I know you’re still healing…” He rambles a bit, but stops when you sit in his lap. You rest your head on his shoulder and carress his cheek with the back of your hand. “You are the sweetest thing, do you know that?” Your voice is soothing and you feel Josh relax instantly. He smiles and gives you a peck on the lips. Then he takes your hand, softly tracing the skin with his fingers. “It’s so soft…” He says, tracing the way the discoloration fades out on your forearms. You pull your arm away, somewhat embarrassed because of how odd it looks. “What?” Josh asks but you just shake your head. “It looks…weird.” You say. Josh bites his lip, nervous once again. 

His eyes are avoiding yours, as he twitches his leg and you get up from his lap. He stands up and walks to the door. He opens it, checks the hallway and then closes it again. He turns towards you and keeps biting his lips. “Baby, I need to know what you saw.” He takes a step forward and just looks at you with those big brown eyes. You shrug your shoulders, “Uhm, I dunno, you know…I clearly had some hallucinations. But I don’t remember a lot of them.” You say, almost mumbling at the end. Josh walks over to you, “You’re not telling me the truth, are you?” He asks, his voice soft and caring. You try to think of something to say, but you don’t even know where to begin. 

“Did you hear him? Did he speak to you?” Josh asks. You lift your head to look him in the eye. You know exactly what he’s talking about. “I know what it’s like, baby. I hear him too sometimes.” Josh says. “What do you mean?” You act confused, but your heart is racing in your chest. “I mean…the things he says…” Josh runs his hand through his blue dyed hair and sighs, “He started talking to Tyler first. But then, there was this incident…and I know I probably should have told you about this a long time ago, but…” His words are abruptly interrupted by the door, opening with a smack against the wall. Tyler is standing in the doorway. He’s wearing a red T-shirt and a black skimask over his face. Your heart skips a beat and you can hear Josh cursing underneath his breath. Tyler just keeps standing there for a few seconds, his arms beside him, balled fists. He stares intensely at you and then you see a smile appear, hidden inside the mask. He chuckles and rolls the mask up his face. “Haha, didn’t mean to scare you there, little Red Riding Hood.” He says, while he walks over to you and swiftly pulls your red scarf over the back of your head. You sigh and pull it back down, stroking your hair back. Josh is standing awkardly at Tylers side. Then Tyler turns to Josh and grabs a red skimask from his backpocket. “This one is for you…okay, man?”


	15. Chapter Fifteen

Josh is walking in front of you as you head towards the stage. You try to follow, but the boys are in a hurry so you end up skipping behind them. The show is about to start and you can hear the crowd screaming as the doors to the stage area open. Josh throws on his skeleton hoodie. But before he can zip it up, you pull his sleeve and lean in. “What the hell is gonna happen tonight, Josh?” You ask, feeling your heartbeat rise with every second. He bites his lips and smiles uncomfortably. Then he backs away from you. “It’s allright, we’re gonna go out there and it will be fine.” He shouts, trying to overcome the loud screams coming from the audience. 

Tyler is standing in front of Josh, but then turns around and stares at the both of you with a straight face. He gestures at Josh to walk passed him and enter the stage before he does. Josh nods at him and then walks through the door. Tyler zips up his hoodie and fiddles with the skeleton mask that covers his face. You’re standing right beside him when he suddenly stops moving. His arms are resting at his sides and he stands completely still. The music starts playing, Ode To Sleep, and you know this is his queue to get out there. But he doesn’t move at all. 

You reach out and gently touch his arm. He turns his head and looks at you through the holes in his skeleton hoodie. His eyes are so dark, they almost seem dead. “YOU THINK THAT YOU’RE BETTER THAN ME?” You are startled by the dark deep voice. You frown at Tyler and bring your hand up to the zipper of his hoodie. But he grabs your wrist and stops you mid-air. “CATCH ME IF YOU CAN...” He says playfully and then Tyler turns around and runs towards the stage. You are left at the doors, wide eyed and in complete shock. You look at your hands, the dark skin that has surfaced underneath your burned peeled layer. Something is not right.

Michael is trying to hold Tylers legs, as he stands upright on top of the crowd, rapping the first bit of Holding On To You. You always keep an eye on Michael during these stunts, knowing that he is not a fan of them. It must have been the first fight he ever had with Tyler. You remember Tyler yelling at him, obviously frustrated that Michael couldn’t see how important this is for both of them. And even though Michael wasn’t at ease when Tyler or Josh were doing these stunts, in the end he understood that they had to be a part of the show.

The venue is very poorly airconditioned and sweat is dripping from Tylers face. His shirt is soaking wet and you fiddle with the red scarf around your neck, dying to take it off. But you promised Tyler that you would wear it, although you still don’t understand why. The music slows down, and the soft light piano part starts. You close your eyes, listening to Tylers soft voice when he sings “Entertain my faith”. You’ve always found this part so angelic, so beautiful. Rays of blue light shine through your eyelids and you open your eyes to look at the stage again. 

You gasp at the sight of a large dark shadow, in the middle of the stage. It has the shape of a man, but it’s like the edges are faded. You suddenly feel like you are sufficating and you are nailed to the ground. The shadow moves towards Josh. Tyler is still sitting behind his piano, the blue light shining down on him. Josh is wiggling from side to side on his chair behind the drums with his eyes are closed as he soaks in the music. “Josh…” You breathe, unable to make an actual sound. But then the drums come in. 

Josh hits them with all the power in his body and soul, while Tyler raises his voice as he shouts the same words, over and over again. “Entertain my faith.” You watch how the shadow vibrates with every hit of the drums. Almost like static is distorting the image. Tyler keeps screaming and Josh keeps beating the crap out of his drums. And when the blue light is replaced by a bright white spotlight, the shadow is gone. Tyler climbs on top his piano and does his little dance. The people in the crowd are going crazy and then Josh joins Tyler on top of the piano and lands his backflip, smiling all the way through. You shake your head and put your hand over your heart. You couldn’t be more relieved. 

That is until Car Radio starts playing. Josh puts on his red skimask and looks at Tyler. Tyler sits behind his piano, wearing his black mask and his red T-shirt. He plays the first part of the song, muttering every word like he’s afraid to pronounce them. You hear the crack in his voice and that’s when you realise that the shadow is standing right behind him. It’s hiding in the dark that covers the remaining part of the stage. But it’s closing in on Tyler and you can see it happening. You look at Mark, who’s seemingly unaware. He’s holding his camera, softly shaking his hips to the music. “Do you see that?” You yell at him. Mark is obviously surprised by the distress in your eyes, but pouts his lips and shakes his head. “You okay?” He asks, somewhat too late. You are already focused on Tyler again.

You take a few steps towards the stage. “Tyler!!” You scream, as loud as you can. But Josh is the one to recognise your voice. He looks at you through the holes of his red skimask. You point to Tyler, biting your lips and trying to hold back your tears. But Josh doesn’t seem to see what’s going on. He looks at Tyler and then looks back at you. You are still pointing at Tyler, trying to make clear that thing is behind him. But when Josh doesn’t really react, you feel like you are losing your mind.

“Tyler!” You scream again. But then the keyboard starts playing and Tyler gets up and walks towards the tower of speakers, at the side of the stage. He climbs on top of them and then stands up, looking out over the crowd. He raises his arms above him, almost as if he’s telling the sky to bring everything it’s got down on him. You watch as the shadow grows taller and creeps up around Tyler. “No…” You sigh and a tear rolls down your cheek. “And now I just sit in silence!” The black entity has surrounded him completely. You panic and look around you, but nobody seems to see what you see. Tyler spreads out his arms and the black ghost crashes into him. It’s like a scene out of The Excorcist as you can see the shockwave going through Tylers entire body. “AND NOW I JUST SIT…”


	16. Chapter Sixteen

You are almost running towards Tylers dressing room. But his door is locked and he doesn’t answer when you knock. “Tyler?” You wait for him to respond. “Tyler? Please…it’s me…” You say, almost begging him to open the door for you. You knock again and wait for a minute or two. You’re about to give up when you hear the key turn inside the lock. You slowly grab hold of the doorhandle and open the door. The dressing room is completely dark, all the lights are off, so you walk inside and reach for the lightswitch. But then the door closes behind you and you hear the key turning to lock it again. You gasp and desperately try to find the lightswitch. 

“THIS ROOM IS RATHER DARK WHEN YOU KEEP ALL THE LIGHTS OFF, ISN’T IT?” You shiver and turn around in the direction of the sound. “…Tyler…?” You ask, your voice tremling with anxiety. But the room stays quiet. All you can hear is the beating of your heart, pumping blood through your veins. And then he breathes down your neck. Warm, hot air coming from behind you. He places his hands on your shoulders, very slowly running them down your arms towards your hands. He moves closer, you can feel the heat radiating from his body. He inhales sharply and says, “YOU SMELL DIFFERENT WHEN YOU’RE AWAKE. IT’S ODD REALLY.” You swallow and close your eyes. You bite your lips and say, “I need to speak to Tyler.” 

“WELL…LOOK nO FurTheR.” He says, his deep voice fading into Tylers voice softly ringing through. You can’t shake the feeling that you are indeed talking to Tyler, while his hands softly touch yours and you feel his warm breath against your ear. You lean your head back against his shoulder, giving in to the sensation. “Tyler...what…” But before you can finish your sentence, he pushes you down on the floor. You fall on your knees, which results in a short burst of pain going through your entire body. You want to scream but he grabs your red scarf and pulls it tightly around your throat. He’s leaning on top of you, choking you and he pushes you further down to the floor. You panic and furiously grasp at the scarf. He’s pulling it so hard, you feel all the blood rushing to your head and you know you will pass out any second now.

But all of a sudden he stops and places one hand on the side of your face. He pushes your head down against the floor, while he keeps his other hand wrapped around your scarf. You feel his weight on your back. His legs are spread and he sits on top of you, keeping you in place. Then he leans in and whispers in your ear, “SoMe pArt oF yOu LikEs thiS, somE paRt oF yoU liKeS mE hAviNg yOu likE tHis, cOntRolLing YoU LikE tHiS.” You moan, trying to breathe again. His lips softly settle on the skin of your neck. He kisses you gently. It’s a strange feeling, completely in contrast to his brutal way of handling you so far. You feel all the pain disappear and the darkness is now like a blanket covering your sins. He takes his hand away from your face and pulls your head back, using the scarf. Then he licks the side of your face and lets go of the scarf. Your head hits the floor hard and you’re pretty sure you’re bleeding. 

Your trousers are being pulled down. You can’t react, your focus is gone and replaced with pain. He forces his way inside your panties, pulling them to the side. “IS THIS WHERE YOU WANT ME?” His voice is dark again. You moan again and sob, “Stop…Tyler…please…” But he doesn’t stop. He enters you, pushing in deep, making you scream out in pain. Your scarf is quickly turned into a gag, as he keeps your mouth covered and keeps thrusting. Your brains turn to soup as he starts to whisper to you. “WE ARE THE SAME…YOU AND ME…AND…YOU NEED ME. AND THIS WAY…YOU CAN HAVE ME. EXaCtlY wHEre yOu wANt ME…” His dark voice is softened by the sound of Tylers voice again. Tears are running down your face. You know that the hands touching your skin are Tylers. You know that you should feel guilty about how good it feels. You know that this would crush Josh if he ever found out. 

You walk out of Tylers dressing room with blood running down your face. He never turned on the light. He just left you on the floor, sweating, crying and moaning in pain. When Josh sees the cut in your eyebrow, he immediately takes care of you and starts asking questions that you mostly respond with “I don’t remember.” He concludes that you must have passed out and orders you to rest for the next coming days. You sigh at his concern but the truth is that you are exhausted. 

You must have slept for 14 hours straight when you are suddenly awakened by a sound. It’s coming from behind the curtain. You recognize Tylers mouthsounds, those bittersweet sound you are so familiar with now. You scrape your throat and then Tyler opens the curtain and looks at you with tears in his eyes. You sit up straight, allowing him to enter your bunk. He does and instantly pulls you close and hugs you. “I’m sorry…oh God, I’m so sorry… I know… it’s…” He sobs. You push him away gently and wipe his tears away with your fingers. “Shhh, it’s okay.” You hum, but Tyler shakes his head. He wants to apologize again, but then changes his mind and says, “There’s something you should know about the man in red.”


	17. Chapter Seventeen

“Who is he?” You ask, somewhat hastly. Tyler looks at you and then squints his eyes. “You know who he is…you called him by his name.” He answers, slurring the words through his teeth. Your heart skips a beat and you carefully and quietly mutter, “Blurryface.” Tyler doesn’t respond. He looks away and then takes your pillow with both hands and puts it in his lap. He places his hands carefully on top of the pillow and starts to stroke the fabric. “I’m not crazy. You see, I think everybody else is crazy, they’re blind…to everything around them. They don’t see what we see and I know you see them too, you have to, you’re not crazy.” Tyler rambles, looking down at his hands on the pillow. You frown at his words and ask, “Them?” Tyler lifts his head and looks at you, “You know they are there, they really are lurking in the dark.” 

You bite your lips. At this particular moment in time you feel like you are catching a glimpse of what’s going on inside Tylers mind and it intrigues you. “What does he want?” You ask, composed, “Blurryface. Why is he here?” Tyler chuckles at your question, as if you are a little child asking her parents why the sky is blue. “Those are two different questions, sweetheart. And I’m afraid I can’t answer them for you.” He shakes his head, “But…I know why he chose you. And I know how to save you from him.” You frown and shrug, “Who says I need to be saved?” You ask, more aggrivated than you should be. But Tyler isn’t startled by your reacion. He just smiles and says, “We all need to be saved. All of us…human kind…we are perverted.” For some reason his words sound like a threat and you reach out to take his hand. “Tyler…you don’t actually believe that. You know there is good in all of us. There’s good in you as well.” But Tyler just chuckles again and answers, “Not anymore.”

That night the boys aren’t wearing red and neither are you. They play their show, giving it their all, like they always do. You can’t help but stare at Tyler. You notice a difference in him, even though no one else seems to see it. You tried to talk to Josh earlier, but he clearly went out of his way to make sure you couldn’t get him alone. The distance between you two is growing, while you are feeling yourself getting closer to Tyler. The thought of this worries you, but it’s exciting at the same time. You briefly look at Josh. He is wearing his alien mask, but you can feel him gaze at you. You smile, but it’s a fake smile. He keeps hitting his drums. And that’s when you realise, he doesn’t need you. He doesn’t need anyone as long as he can keep hitting those drums. Suddenly you feel random, out of place, as if you shouldn’t be here at all. You have done nothing for him. You never will. And you know now that Tyler was right. Why are YOU with him? You…will never be his girl.

Josh is awkardly sitting on the couch. His eyes are shifting from you to Tyler and back. Tyler scrapes his throat. He takes a deep breath and gestures at Josh, “You know what to say.” He says and then leans back. Josh bites his lips and looks at his hands. You are becoming impatient and sigh, “One of you better start talking, or I am gonna lose it.” Josh looks at you and opens his mouth, but lacks the words, so he just shuts his mouth and looks down at the floor again. Tyler rubs his hand through his hair and then sits up. “He sees the red. It’s the only color he sees. It’s like…an invitation.” Tyler explains, “So I used it. To make him come out of the shadows.” He looks at Josh, “Where we put him. We put him there…every night.”

You stare at Tyler, “…in the shadows? You put him in the shadows?” Tyler nods his head, “You see, we are all connected now. He made sure of that.” He says, emphasizing the last word. Josh shakes his head, “You’re confusing her. It’s not that complicated. Why are you making it about him?” Josh says and he seems angry. Tyler holds out his hands, palms up, “Who else would it be about?” He asks. Josh bites his lips and shakes his head again. “It’s about YOU, Tyler. It’s always been about you and you know that.” Josh gets up from the couch, seemingly frustrated. You badly want to wrap your arms around him and calm him, but more than that you want answers. “Everytime this happens, it’s because you let it happen. It’s because you want…” Josh stops, closes his eyes and tries to compose himself, “…because you want something and the only way to get it is through him.” He looks at you and you can see the sadness in his eyes. He knows.

Tyler jumps up from the couch. He doesn’t speak, but moves to stand right in front of Josh, face to face. “I sacrifised everything for you. Everything!” He yells, “HoW DAre YoU spEaK To ME liKe tHIs?” Josh backs up and almost trips and falls back on to the couch. He looks scared, his voice is trembling, “Your eyes…Tyler…” He breathes. But then you place your hand on Tylers shoulder, making him turn around at you. His eyes are no longer the dark brown color that you love so much. They are red, like fire is burning inside of him. “You let him in. Didn’t you?” You ask softly.


	18. Chapter Eighteen

He looks at you through his burning red eyes. He grins and says, “I AM IN CONTROL NOW.” Then he takes a step towards you and continues, “AND WE BOTH KNOW HOW MUCH YOU LIKE IT WHEN I’M IN CONTROL.” He wraps his black hands around your neck and leans in to kiss you. As soon as his lips touch yours, you feel your throat closing, making it hard to breathe. His hands move from your neck down to your shoulders, as his lips are exploring your mouth. You seem paralyzed, unable to respond or fight back. You’re almost in trance. The sweet taste of his lips is addictive, you need it to last. 

But Josh doesn’t feel the same way. He jumps on Tylers back, his arms tightly wrapped around his friends chest and arms. “Get away from her, she’s mine!” He yells and it makes you snap out of your trance faster than a bullet. They both fall down on the floor, Josh on top of Tyler. He’s wrestling him, screaming, “You can’t… I won’t let you!” You stand by and watch them, as Tyler overpowers Josh. His eyes are back to brown, the darkness has gone, but he’s angry as hell. He’s holding Josh’s fists, trying to pin them down to the ground. He’s growling, like a wild animal. You can’t help but feel as if you’re watching a scene on NGC as both of them are fighting over you. And then there’s the guilt. That extreme, uncomfortable, heartbreaking sensation. Tears roll down your face as you watch them fight. Tyler has Josh pinned down now, yelling back at him, “You think you can take me? Huh? Come on, come on…” 

Josh’s face is red and he is trying to fight back with all his strength, but Tyler has got him twisted up. You keep crying and then Josh sees you and the angry look on his face is replaced with concern. He stops fighting and leans his head back on the floor, sighing. Tyler turns around to look at you. He still looks angry, as he lets go of Josh and gets up. He walks up to you, stares at you for a second or two and then whispers in your ear, “LoOK aT wHat yoU hAVe DONe.” 

You can’t seem to stop yourself from crying all through the afternoon. You stay in your bunk, while the guys play their show that night. It won’t be much of a show anyway, since they are not even speaking to eachother. You cry yourself to sleep, only to be brutally awakened by them barging into the sleeping area. They’re accompanied by Michael, but when you let out an uncontrolled groan, you can hear Josh say: “Hey, uhm, can you give us a second?” Michael walks out and shuts the door behind him as Josh carefully opens the curtain to your bunk. “Hey babe, you okay?” He asks in the softest voice. You don’t answer, but you welcome the gentle touch of his fingers stroking your cheek. 

“Josh?” You hear Tylers voice from behind the curtain. Josh looks up as Tyler bows down and peeks inside, “Hi sweetheart…” He says, almost whispering. You frown and briefly wonder if maybe all of it was just a very long nightmare. But then you notice the scratches on Josh his wrists and you realise that it’s all too real. You frown and push yourself up, leaning on your elbow. “What’s going on, guys?” You ask, rather sleepy. You rub your eyes and scrape your throat, “How…how was the show?”

Josh looks at Tyler, almost questioning, while he bites his lip. Tyler looks back at him, furrowing his brow. “He wasn’t there.” Tyler responds quickly. “That’s not really an answer.”, you mutter casually. Josh breathes in sharply, “It’s fine, we’re fine.” He says and smiles at you. His smile always reassures you, but this time it’s different. You want to ask him if he’s lying, but when your eyes cross Tylers you hold back your tongue. The look on Tylers face is strict and harsh. His eyes are telling you to drop the subject and move on. You look at Josh and how soft he looks compared to Tyler. You feel nothing but love and compassion for him. And you decide then, that you will do everything it takes to protect him. Even if it means losing him.

Josh fell asleep with his arm across your waist and he’s snoring softly into your ear. You don’t really mind cause your thoughts are keeping you awake anyway. You watch the nightlight as it suddenly starts to flicker. You lift your head slightly to see what’s going on, but that’s when the light fades and goes out completely. The space around you is pitch black and you feel a cold breeze hitting your naked shoulder as you lay your head back down on the pillow. Josh is still soundly asleep next to you, his arm holding you down, as you try to steady you breath. You know what is coming, so you close your eyes and prepare yourself. 

“SHHHH…IT’S OKAY…” He whispers in your ear, “IT’S OKAY…YOU’RE IN YOUR OWN BED.” You inhale and then feel his lips brush your ear, “YOU ARE…SO VERY LOVELY…YOU…” He hisses for a small second, then presses his lips in your neck and traces them gently down to your chest. He stops and then whispers, “I DON’T WANNA BE THISSSSS…NEEDY…FOR YOU… BUT THIS IS…THIS IS HOW I FEEL RIGHT NOW. THIS IS HOW I FEEL WHEN I SEE YOU…LAYING IN BED…WITH HIM.” You gasp and whisper back at him, “Leave him alone. Take whatever you want, but stay away from him.” He doesn’t respond rightaway, he just breathes in and out, so close to your face that you can feel his breath stroking your skin.  
“YOU KNOW I CAN’T LET YOU… YOU’RE MINE NOW. I MADE YOU MINE!” His whispers are louder now and you turn your head to Josh, hoping he will wake up. But he doesn’t and then the whispering continues. “LET HIM SLEEP. LET HIM BE ASLEEP. HE DOESN’T WANT TO SEE…ANYMORE. HE HAS TURNED AWAY. BUT YOU AND I…WE WILL WALK INTO THE DARKNESS TOGETHER. WE’RE TIED TOGETHER…YOU KNOW IT. YOU…CAN NOT…ESCAPE…ME.”


	19. Chapter Nineteen

You look at Tyler as he picks up his ukelele and slowly strokes the strings. His brown hair looks especially fluffy today and you sigh quietly, taking in his whole being. Last night was vital. It happened because you wanted it to happen. You wanted that confrontation. In fact, you needed it. After all that happened, you needed to make sure that he knew exactly on who’s side you are. And although you tried to fight it, right now it’s time to throw in the towel. Tyler knows it and when his eyes cross yours, he recognizes the way you stare at him. The distance he once kept, has vanished and you have never felt so connected to anyone as you do to Tyler right now.

You didn’t speak to Josh this morning, but he seems rather careless. As if he made his decision and just deals with it. On the one hand it freaks you out, but on the other hand you feel as if it’s best for both of you. As if saying goodbye is not even a necessity anymore. There aren’t any words, any tears or any emotions spilled over it. It makes everything less ugly. And ugly is exactly what this would be.

Josh walks into the bathroom, at the hotelroom, right after the show. He places his towel on the bench next to the large walk in shower and hums to himself as he lets the water heat up. He stops when he sees your shampoo bottle on the little shelf in the shower. But he ignores the lump in his throat as he steps underneath the beam of warm water. He briefly wonders where you are right now as an image of Tyler and you in bed together, crosses his mind. But he shakes his head and the image disappears. He shivers even though the water is hot and then takes his showergel. He rubs it all over his chest and shoulders. The soap makes white poofy bubbles and smells like coconut. Josh lets the scent fill up his nose and then breathes in deeply. He loves the smell of coconut. It makes him happy cause it reminds him of sandy white beaches and cocktails.

And Tyler. It reminds him of Tyler. But right now, that ties his stomach into a knot. He knows that Tyler would never do anything to hurt him. But he also knows that dark thing inside of Tyler. And that thing would destroy anything or anyone just to get the job done. After washing off all the soap, Josh steps out of the shower and grabs the towel to put it around his waist. He looks up to the bathroom sink in front of him, only to see three words written on the damp mirror : DENIAL, DENIAL, DENIAL.

You sit and wait on Tylers bed. The sheets are still neatly folded and his bag is on the floor next to the bed. You know you shouldn’t be here, but you couldn’t control the urge to see him. So when Tyler enters the room, your heart jumps with excitement. Tylers stops and looks at you, a neutral expression on his face, before closing the door behind him. He is still sweaty from the show, his blue shirt is soaked and his face flushed. You can’t supress a smile as he walks towards the bed. But he doesn’t sit down. He just stands there and stares at you. “What are you doing here?” He asks in a raw voice. You shrug and bite your lip. “I dunno…I wanted to see you.” You answer. He tilts his head and squints his eyes, looking at you intensely. You sit on your knees and then slowly crawl towards him. “I thought maybe…you wanted to play?” You ask, hoping for him to show up.

But when he doesn’t, it confuses you. Tyler takes off his shirt and throws it next to you on the bed. “Oh yeah?” He asks and turns around to take off his shoes. “I think you’ve got the wrong room, sweetheart.” He mumbles as he unbuckles his belt. You frown, “What? What are you talking about?” Tyler doesn’t respond instantly. He takes off his pants, leaving him standing only in his underwear. You take in the sight and bite your lip again. But when he turns around he says, “Unless you’re here to do my laundry, I think you should leave.” Your jaw drops and you are lost for words. But Tyler seems persistant. He walks into the bathroom and closes the door. You hear the lock turn. He’s making sure that you know this isn’t an invitation.

You are left confused and disappointed. But then you feel something new. It’s hard to describe but it definitely speaks to your anger, your fear, your self loathing. It starts to rise up inside of you, boiling like water. And it’s telling you to get up from the bed and make a stand. Thoughts run through your mind as you do. _Who the fuck does he think he is? Taking me for granted? I WILL NOT BE DENIED._ You hear the words inside your head and knock on the bathroom door.

After a few seconds Tyler opens it. And when he sees you, he can’t help but gasp. “No…” He utters and takes a step back. “I THOUGHT WE HAD A DEAL.” Tyler shakes his head, “We did, you can’t do this!” He shouts and his hands are balled into fists. “YOU FORCED ME. YOU ONLY HAVE YOURSELF TO BLAME.” Tyler keeps still. His breathing is rapid and his eyes are focused entirely on you. His mouth opens and he speaks, “YoU WAnnA PLaY?” Tylers dark eyes are turning red. “LET’S PLAY.”


	20. Chapter Twenty

Tyler grins at you and grabs you tightly by your shoulders. He pulls you into the bathroom and pushes you against the tile wall. You gasp at his force and then again when you see your own reflection in the mirror across from you. Your long hair has a deep intense red color and your skin looks pale in contrast to it. You take in the sight of this strange alteration but when Tyler pushes his arm down on your throat, your focus shifts. “YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE THE ONLY ONE? I CAN BE MANY THINGS… I CAN BE… EVERYWHERE…” Spit comes from his mouth as he speaks and you try to breathe, but you can’t. You notice the shower is running and hot wet steam is filling up the room.

Tyler lifts his arm and grabs a handfull of your red hair, pulling you down to the bathroom floor. You scream and then you wrap your arms around his legs. You can hear him breathing. You pull him down with you, kicking and screaming until you’ve got his arms pinned against the floor. Straddling him, you smile and say, “I WILL SHOW YOU…AND YOU WILL…FOLLOW!” Tyler wines softly at the words that come out of your mouth. He turns his face away from yours and closes his eyes. You reach out and place your hand on his chin. He opens his eyes as you make him face you. You squeeze his cheeks tightly and say, “LOOK AT YOURSELF! LOOK AT WHAT YOU HAVE CREATED!” Then you giggle like a little girl, “AREN’T YOU PROUD NOW?” 

Your grip on him weakens for just a second, but it’s long enough for Tyler to take control as he pushes you away. You both get up off the floor and look at eachother. Tyler shakes his head, his hair all messy and his eyes still red as fire. He slowly walks up to you as he keeps staring. “THERE’S ONLY ONE THING…ONE…VERY SPECIAL THING. IT’S ALL WE NEED.” The dark sounds spilling from Tylers lips are almost hypnotizing. You sway, as the steam hits your face and the air is getting thick and heavy. Tyler stops right in front you and wraps his arms around your waist.

He holds you tightly, squeezing out the air that is left in your lungs. You can’t breathe and he won’t let go of you. A loud scream escapes you and you sink your teeth into his skin. Tyler releases you from his death grip and hisses at the bite wound on his shoulder. He looks at you and growls like a wild dog. He comes charging at you but you lift your knee which plows his stomach with force. Then you swing your fist, hitting him straight in the face. You laugh at him as he screeches out in pain. Everytime he tries to get back up, you hit him again. His lip is bleeding and his eyebrow is cut but you seem to have lost all self control. In fact you enjoy this way more than you could have ever imagined. 

Tyler wines as he sits on his hands and knees, blood dripping from his face. He waits for you to take another swing at him. He ducks down, making you miss your target and then grabs you and pushes you against the bathroom sink. He wraps his black tainted hands around your throat and licks the side of your face. You grunt and push him back against the tile wall. But he smacks you in the face twice with the palm of his hand, so hard that it’s making you lose your balance. You fall back and hit your head on the sink. The pain cuts through your skull like a knife but it doesn’t knock you out. 

Tyler kneels down and squats in front of you. “ARE YOU FINISHED?” He asks. You bite your lips, scared but intrigued. Tyler places both hands on your face and pulls you closer. His lips are nearly touching yours when he changes his mind. He inhales sharply through his nose and then rips your shirt open. You gasp and look at him, as he bites his lips and slowly runs his tongue across his bottom lip. His hands move fast as he roughly pulls down your trousers. He wastes no time taking off your bra, he just pulls the strings with both hands, ripping it off your chest. Tyler has you undressed in no time, leaving you in nothing but your panties.

Josh keeps checking his phone for messages or missed calls. He called your cell about 25 times and now he’s really starting to worry. Could it be that the vision inside his head is reality? Could it be true that you are in Tylers room? He gets up from the bed. Scratching the back of his head, he looks around, searching for a clean shirt. He finds a black shirt, quickly throws it on and leaves his room. He calls you again, while walking down the hallway of the hotel, but once again there is no response. When he stops at Tylers door, he just stands there for a second. Maybe this isn’t the best idea? Maybe he’s not ready to know what’s going on on the other side of this door? But he finally finds the courage to knock and when he does, he can hear it. The ringing in his ears. A deafening sound, like loud silence. And now he knows what’s on the other side. He knocks again, a few times in a row. But there’s no answer. Josh looks around. The hallway is empty, but he doesn’t feel alone. It’s the opposite of that. He feels like something is closing in on him. And the longer he waits, the closer it gets.

He starts to panic. He needs to see Tyler right now. The ringing in his ears is so loud now that it hurts. He grabs the doorknob with his right hand, but it’s so frozen that it burns his skin. Josh jumps back, rubbing the palm of his hand. Ice crystals are forming around the doorknob, all over the door, covering the walls beside it. It’s like the whole room is covered in a wall of ice. Josh leans back against the wall behind him, gasping for air. He knows this can’t be real, but he’s seeing it with his own two eyes. A thick layer of ice, between him, Tyler and you.


	21. Chapter Twenty One

The hot steam coming from the shower, makes everything damp. And when you look at Tyler, who is sitting at your feet, the steamclouds are making his face seem misty and far away. But his red glowing eyes pierce through all that. He bows down to your leg and bites your flesh. He bites your knees and your thighs, so hard that you are sure it will leave marks. He takes the fabric of your panties between his teeth and pulls. But then he places his hands on your hips, travelling down until he pulls off your panties with both hands. You struggle for a moment, but Tyler lifts his hand and as it comes down hard on your face, you stop wiggling. You push yourself up and pull his hair. This fight isn’t over yet. But he grabs your hips, squeezing hard and then he pulls you on top of him.

The moment you feel him enter, you open your mouth and throw your head back. You keep tugging his dark brown hair. Tyler holds your hips in place as he keeps thrusting inside of you. The floor and the walls are dripping and the steam makes little pearls of water on your skin. You moan and the sound echoes through the tiled bathroom like an animal call. Tyler grunts and keeps biting at you. But you hold his head back, your fingers entangled in his hair. His red eyes are focused on you. You feel the cold burning stare. It encourages you to stay this way, to let him take you, but only if you can take him.

You let go of his hair and push up against his chest with both hands. He falls back against the tile wall, slightly shocked at the change of events. You crawl on top of him, making it easier for you to take charge as you keep him pushed against the wall. Tyler groans at the way you twist your hips. He drags his fingernails down from your shoulders to your hands, leaving red marks on your arms. You keep pushing up against his chest, rapidly moving your hips and rubbing against his stomach. Something is building up inside of you. It feels like pure exctasy, a sensation that seems familiar but is a thousand times larger than it ever was before. You close your eyes and tilt your head back, and just when you explode, Tyler grabs your throat with one hand and holds both your wrists together with the other. He lets you shiver on top of him, your legs trembling uncontrollably. Then he pulls you up, firmly squeezing your throat and pushes you into the shower. 

Tyler choking you and the hot water hitting your skin, makes your orgasm feel even more intense. You keep moaning, not sure how to compose yourself, while Tyler finally lets go of your throat and pushes you against the showerwall. He lifts your legs and wraps them around his waist. He holds you up as he enters you again and keeps pushing. The water is running down his neck, all over his shoulders and back. You stare at all of it, his body crashing into you like waves on the beach. His red eyes, his black neck and hands, you feel as if you’ve known this your whole life. 

When you wake up the next morning, you’re in Tylers room. You’re laying in his bed, on top of all the sheets and you’re completely naked. Tyler is gone and so is his bag. After walking into the bathroom, you come the realisation that Tyler left only your jeans and one of his tank tops for you to wear. You quickly put on the clothes and look at yourself in the mirror. Your hair has returned to its natural color, which is somewhat a relief, and it’s neatly covering up the bite marks in your neck. 

Your mind is running on nothing but caffeine as you step outside the hotel and into the city. You found that Josh had left your bag in his room, although he packed all of his own stuff. So you showered, changed, fixed your hair into a messy bun and went outside to get something to eat. But you have barely left the hotel lobby when Josh suddenly appears in front of you. You’re startled by him, almost dropping your only good pair of sunglasses on the ground. “Jeeeez…what?” You scrape your throat, trying to get rid of the overwhelming feeling of guilt, “What are you…doing?” You ask, smiling. Josh doesn’t really answer. He just takes your hand and with a concerned look on his face he says, “We need to talk. Come with me, please.” 

You hold hands as he walks you down the street. It almost seems normal. The way you had always been with him. But you know that you could never come back to this. Josh would never forgive you and why should he? He takes you to a small coffeebar and sits down at a table, ordering a mocca latte for himself and a cappuccino for you. You stay silent, sipping your coffee and waiting for him to confront you about last night. “Okay...look…” He starts, avoiding all eye contact, “I don’t wanna know. I don’t wanna know what happened, okay?” His eyes are filling up with tears and he shakes his head softly. “But he’s got you now. He’s in complete control and we have got to stop him.” You frown at him, “What do you mean? Are you talking about…” You lean in and whisper, “…Blurryface.” Josh looks at you and nods furiously. 

“Tyler must have thought this was a good idea. He was wrong. It’s not. If I’d have known before, I wouldn’t have let him do it. But I believed we were gonna fight him. I thought the red…the red was supposed to bring him to us, just so we could fight him. But now…” Josh sighs between his words and places both his hands around his coffeemug, “…He let him in. And I don’t know why, cause it always makes everything worse. He knows that.” You stare at him, utterly captured by every word. You swallow, remembering the dream you had, about the storm and the lifeboat. “Josh…” You say quietly, “…is he going to kill us?”


	22. Chapter Twenty Two

The fear in Josh his eyes scares you more than any of the visions you’ve had so far. Does this mean that you asked the wrong question? You suddenly feel like everything is slipping away from you. Josh has always been your rock. And now he sits across from you, his big dark eyes filled with fear. He sits back and puts his hands in his lap. “I want you to know that it’s not your fault. I don’t…I don’t blame you.” He says, while fiddling with his fingers. “I understand how confusing this must have been for you…” He mumbles. You shake your head. “Josh.”, you say, demanding him to look you in the eye, “I had sex with Tyler.” 

Josh bites his lip and furrows his brow. “Are you going to tell me that that’s not my fault either?” You ask, somewhat bitchy. But Josh just sits there, looking away from you and trying to hold back his tears. “Say something!” You scream, loud enough for the whole cofffeebar to turn their heads towards your table. Josh sighs, “You didn’t have a choice…” He closes his eyes and a tear rolls down his cheek. He looks so hurt. You breathe out through your nose, trying to control your anger. You’re angry because Josh is breaking down in front of you. You’re angry because you know all of this wouldn’t have happened if it wasn’t for you. But most of all, you’re angry because you don’t feel hurt. You don’t share his pain, you can’t seem to connect with him anymore. 

Tyler stuffs another cheesecracker in his mouth, chewing it like it’s the last thing he will ever eat. You stare at him from across the backstage conference room. Josh sits down next to him and puts his hand on Tylers leg. Tyler keeps chewing while he looks up at Josh. “Hey.” Josh says and forces a very tired smile. Tyler nods at him, “Hey, man.” He says and then grabs another handfull of cheesecrackers. Mark and Michael are talking, but it sounds like a humming sound in the background. They leave the room, and when they do, you stand up from your seat and walk over to Tyler and Josh, in a decisive pace. 

“Spill it. Now.” You demand and cross your arms to make your point. They both look at you, bewildered. Tyler stopped chewing, although his mouth is still full of crackers. Josh scrapes his throat and then softly shakes his head and rolls his eyes, as if he’s signaling you to drop it. But you’re still angry, so you dismiss him and focus on Tyler. “Do you even have the slightest idea of how to handle this, or are you just gonna sit there and eat crackers, as if nothing ever happened?” You ask, impatiently. Tyler starts to chew again, but he keeps staring at you and then says, “Mmm, I dunno… you know, these are some really mean crackers.” You let your arms fall to your sides and shake your head, “Ha, wauw! You’re truly unbelievable, you twisted piece of...”

Josh cuts you off as he stands up and grabs your arm. He drags you with him, away from Tyler, who just keeps smirking at you. Josh opens the door and leads you into the hallway. You struggle to make him let go of your arm. When he finally does he leans in close and whispers, “You can’t say anything to him. He can’t know. Do you understand?” You keep rubbing your arm, and stare at him. Josh presses his lips together and breathes out through his nose. “I need you to be on my side. I need you to stick with me until we figure this whole thing out, okay?” He whispers. You frown and say, “I don’t think you know how.” The words are like venom on your lips. Josh looks at you, shocked and confused. “You don’t know how, Josh. You’re not even a part of it anymore. He told me that you turned away and now you expect me to believe that you have all the answers?” You gesture with your arms as you talk, “Well, I don’t…I don’t believe you. You’re not strong enough to fight him. Look at you…”, you chuckle, “You’re weak. Weak and alone.” 

Josh is almost crying at this point, but the anger inside you rises up again. Like a fountain of rage, your words keep spilling and it’s like you’re stabbing him with a knife, over and over again. And then the lights fade out, the hallway turns dark and the air is cold. Josh is breathing rapidly, gasping for air. Strands of hair slowly touch your cheeks and it’s red, like blood. “Tyler!!” Josh screams. You laugh loudly, “HE CAN’T HEAR YOU, DRUMMER BOY.” You walk up to Josh, who keeps walking backwards in order to get away from you. “IT’S ONLY YOU AND ME NOW…” You place your hand on his cheek, softly caressing his soft skin, “…JUST…THE…WAY…YOU…LIKE…IT.” You kiss him on the lips, leaving a stain of red lipstick. Then you turn around and walk back into the room, shutting the door behind you.

“THE WAY YOU HANDLED THAT…WAS VERY…DISTASTEFULL.” You smile at Tylers words as he walks up to you and kisses you on the mouth. His lips linger and then he gently touches your ear and traces his fingers around it. “THEY WILL NEVER FIND US. THEY CAN…NEVER…DESTROY US…” He softly moans in your ear, making you shiver with pleasure, “WE ARE VERY GOOD AT HIDING…THEY’LL NEVER KNOW WE ARE HERE.”


	23. Chapter Twenty Three

Josh is laying in the empty bed, staring at the ceiling. His mind is going a hundred miles an hour and there’s no way to stop it. He reaches out to the pillow next to him, feeling nothing but cold fabric. You’re not there anymore. Josh bites his lip, his heart burning. You were his girl, weren’t you? He always knew you were a lot like Tyler. He encouraged the fact that you got along so well, but he couldn’t have imagined ending up without you.

Staring back at the white blank void above him, he realises he doesn’t blame you. Or Tyler. He loves both of you too much to rescent you. But the pain is so real and it cuts through him like a blade. Perhaps things could have been different. He could have stopped Tyler before all of this happened. He could have done something to keep you from him. But he was so busy being afraid and now it’s too late. Not only does he control Tyler, he now controls you as well. Josh gasps, thinking back of the way your hair was glowing like fire and your mouth spoke words of pure evil. 

He sits up straight, wiping the tears from his cheeks. He needs a plan. He needs to find a way to fight this. Not for himself, maybe not even for Tyler, but for you. You never asked to be a part of this. Josh sighs and rubs his hands together. He knew what Tyler was when he met him. He knew it and he chose to stand by his side, cause together they were stronger. Together they could control it, manage it and maybe even make it go away. And even though the battle had been constant, things had never been so out of control as they were at this very moment. 

Tyler looks at you with lust in his eyes. His boyish smile makes your stomach flutter with butterflies and you smile nervously back at him. The guilt is back and it makes the room seem darker than it really is. But guilt is obviously the last thing on Tylers mind as he sits on his knees on the bed, facing you and he takes off his shirt without any hesitation. You look at the smooth skin on his arms and chest. How can he be so relaxed? Tyler moves closer to you and crushes his mouth onto yours. As soon as his lips touch yours, you feel your blood rush all over your body. It comes out of nowhere and you forget to breathe for a second. The feeling is so intense, it almost takes over completely. You place your hands on Tylers chest and gently push him away. You huff, “Maybe we should stop...” Tyler grins, “Maybe. But that's not what you really want, is it?” 

You shuffle to the side of the bed, rather ungracefully, and let your legs dangle from the side. “I don’t know…I can’t remember how I’m supposed to feel…” You mumble and you rest your head in your hands. Tyler tilts his head, moving slowly towards you. You can’t help but feel like you shouldn’t be in this room. But Tyler sits behind you and then he wraps his arms around you. “Then why don’t you just…forget…” He whispers softly into your ear. You gasp and let your head rest in his neck. “Let me make you forget… LEt ME... TaKE aWay aLL yOUr DOubTs...” Tylers soft whispers make your skin tingle with pleasure. Your eyes are closed as your entire body relaxes. “YESSSS….” He hisses, “LET THE SOUNDS CONTROL YOU…LET THEM TAKE OVER…” The sudden change in Tylers voice seems to put you in a deep sleep. “LISTEN TO ME NOW…”

Mark looks at you and Tyler with a confused frown. He blinks, rubs his eyes, and then blinks again. He grabs Josh by the arm, as he passes him on his way up stage. “Josh, dude. What…what is going on?” Mark stumbles and looks over at the stage. Tyler is sitting in front of you, his legs crossed, and his ukelele resting against his chest. He’s playing the chords to a lovesong you haven’t heard in years. “…Only fools rush in…” You smile at the sweet sound of Tylers voice. Your head is resting on your knees as you sway along with the melody. “…But I can’t help...” Tyler stops and smiles at you. Then he swiftly turns his head towards Josh. “…falling in love with you…” 

Josh swallows, as Tyler stares at him, and unconsciously reaches for his chest. The sharp pain returns when he sees the way you look at Tyler. Mark bumps him with his elbow, startling him. He looks at Josh, raising his eyebrows. Josh adjusts the hurt look on his face and shrugs as he walks in the direction of his drumset. You don't even notice him. You are way too mesmerized by Tylers presence. But Tyler keeps his eyes glued on Josh, following his every move. Then he carefully puts down the ukelele, gets up and walks over to Josh. “Hey man.” He says casually. Josh doesn’t respond. He’s looking for his drumsticks and fiddling with his chair. Tyler stands very still, his fists clenched as he repeats himself, pronouncing every word with precision, “Hey. Man.” 

Josh looks up at Tyler. “What do you want?” He snaps at Tyler. Tyler looks slightly shocked. He opens his mouth to speak, but seems lost for words. Josh presses his lips together. Is this another act? Josh looks at you, as you get up and walk towards Mark. Then he takes a deep breath and closes his eyes for a second. When he opens them, he smiles at Tyler, who still looks genuinely hurt. “Sorry.” Josh says, still smiling, “Hey, let’s play some songs, allright?”


	24. Chapter Twenty Four

The sandwiches that Michael bought taste like carton, as you chew one down the next morning. Tyler is sitting next to you at the small table. He’s eating his cereal and checking his phone. You glance at him, carefully, trying to make sure that it’s going unnoticed by everyone. But Tyler seems to pick up on it somehow. He looks up from the screen and gives you a nasty grin. You give him an awkward smile, not really sure what else you should do. Tyler suddenly places his arm around your shoulders and pulls you in for a selfie. “Tyler…what…?” You start, still holding your sandwich and spilling crumbs everywhere. He kisses you on the cheek and says, “Smile, sweetheart.” The camerasound clicks and Tyler instantly lets go of you and puts away his phone.

“Hey, show me.” You say, putting your sandwich down on your plate. But Tyler just chuckles and continues to eat the rest of his cereal. You sigh, “Whatever…” and then Josh slides down on the seat across from you. He nods at Tyler and smiles at you, as he begins to make his sandwich. You watch him as he cuts the sandwich in half, takes some cheese and some ham, some pickles and mustard to top the whole thing off. You smile to yourself, remembering how he used to call it a _Dunbun_. But your smile is immediately wiped away by his question. “You guys slept well last night?” Josh asks, taking a large bite. You furrow your brow. Why would he ask that? He seems to be in a good mood, carefree and relaxed. Tyler doesn’t respond. He just shakes his head, while staring at his bowl of cereal.

You scrape your throat and lift your coffeemug, only to realise that it is empty. “Do you want more coffee?” Josh asks, pointing at your mug. You just stare back at him, but he gets up, grabs your mug and fills it with coffee. “Two sugars, right?” He asks and winks at you. You nod slowly, not entirely sure how to react to him as he hands you your coffee. Tyler is looking at the whole thing, but he keeps eating, making loud chewing noises. “There you go.” Josh says politely and sits back down to finish his sandwich. You carefully take a sip and mumble, “Thank you”. Josh smiles at you. That familiar bright smile. You breathe out and suddenly feel a sense of safety again. But the loud crunchy noises coming from Tylers mouth are disrupting your thoughts and you put down your coffee, hissing at him, “Could you chew any louder?”

Tyler walks into the sleeping area, looking for Josh. He was in the bathroom before, trying to control whatever this anger was doing to him. But the razorblade wasn’t sharp enough to cut through his skin. It was only making dents as if his skin had grown thicker and harder these past few days. He couldn’t explain it, but then he realised he didn’t need to. He stared at himself in the mirror, seeing the red behind the darkness in his eyes and he knew why the cuts weren’t cuts anymore. So he decided to handle the problem that was causing him to feel this annoyed instead.

The sounds of The Flaming Lips burst through Josh his headphones. He’s resting in his bunk, clearing his mind and soaking in the music. Tyler abruptly opens the curtain, making his eyelids flutter. Josh sits up straight, takes off his headphones and takes a deep breath. The black that covers Tylers neck and hands is very present. Josh takes in the sight for a second. He expected this to happen, but not so soon. Bracing himself for a physical confrontation, he’s surprised to find that Tyler doesn’t move. He just stands there and grins at him. “I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING.” Tyler chuckles, “IT’S NOT GONNA WORK.” Josh inhales sharply, his whole body stiffened with fear. But he never looks away. Tyler turns around and grabs one of the suitcases from the luggage bunk. He zips it open and digs into the pile of clothes inside. Then he pulls out a red beanie. He looks at Josh while he puts on the beanie with precision and says, “RED IS MY NEW FAVORITE COLOR.”

Walking down the stairs at the empty venue, Tyler has never felt more in control than right now. He was confused for a while, but now his vision is clear. He can’t feel guilty anymore. He only took what belonged to him all along and Josh was just gonna have to deal with it. The night Blurryface took over, he cried, silently so no one could hear him. But he doesn’t cry anymore. All he can do now is smile. This power is making him a stronger person. He’s tired of waiting in line so now it’s his turn to get his share.

A shiver runs through his spine when Josh hits his drums. The stale sound echoes throughout the whole venue. Tyler shudders and sniffles. He still needs to find a way to get used to this sound. It cuts through his soul and he knows it will be hard to make it to the end of this tour. He looks up at Josh, who looks him dead in the eye. “What the…” Tyler silently whispers. Josh has dyed his hair a very bright pink color. He smiles at Tyler and lifts both his arms. His drumsticks come down hard, making a hell of a noise. Tyler instinctively steps back, almost tripping over some wires across the floor. He stares at Josh, his mouth slightly opened and his breath hitching. But Josh just sits there, smiling and he yells, “What’s the matter, Tyler? Don’t you wanna play?”


	25. Chapter Twenty Five

The moon lights up Tylers face. His features are even more beautiful this way. You crave to softly trace your fingers down his cheekbone and the lines in his neck. But you refrain from doing so, cause Josh is standing next to him. Earlier today Mark asked you why he saw you crawling into Tylers bunk last night. You told him to mind his own business, cold eyes and an even colder heart. Everytime Tyler touches you, you feel different. The pain goes away, like morphine shooting through your veins and it’s addictive. You need more. You need to be with him. Always.

You look at Josh, who’s rubbing his hand through his pink hair. Why the pink? He knows it’s the one color you love most and maybe you’ve answered your own question. You bite your lip. Josh might have thought about his decision more than you’ve realised. You’re nothing but utterly surprised by the way he stays so calm despite all of this. You surely thought he would break at some point and your heart grows colder with the idea that you might even have wanted him to break. But you came close enough to make him back off and for now that satisfies whatever it is that you feel inside.

“You know what I would like right now?” Josh says, without looking at either of you. Tyler frowns and shrugs. “I would like a big bowl of vanilla ice cream.” Josh smiles, “Maybe with like…colored sprinkles and chocolate sauce.” You look at Tyler, who seems confused by this strange revelation. It seems so misplaced. “Remember that?” Josh asks and he looks straight at you. His eyes are soft and you can see nothing but kindness in them. “Remember how we always went to Jeni’s and got a bowl of late night ice cream?” He continues and chuckles. Tyler looks down at his feet and stays quiet. But you can see him clenching his jaw. You scrape your throat and softly whisper, “Yeah, I remember…” 

But if you think about it, the memories are vague and faded. They seem to slide further away from you each day you spent with Tyler. And all that’s left of them is being pushed deeper in the back of your head with each flickering of his red eyes and the darkness that surrounds it. He had you pinned down on the bed last night. You couldn’t move, even though you didn’t really want to. His breath was steady and warm. You felt it stroke your cheeks and you closed your eyes as he whispered your name. “I SEE…YOUR DOUBTS. I CAN SMELL THEM.” He inhaled sharply, “DON’T BE MISTAKEN. I’M NOT HERE TO GRANT YOU CHOICES. NO. YOU’VE MADE YOUR BED, NOW LIE IN IT.”

Josh yawns and stretches before he digs into his plate of scrambled eggs. He sits with his back turned to you and you stare briefly at him until Tyler bumps into you. He’s standing next to you in the small kitchen, pushing his hips into your side and you can feel that he’s hard. You look up at him, his eyes hungry and not just for breakfast. “You were gone when I woke up.” Tyler softly says and kisses your ear. “Now what am I gonna do?” He asks, smiling. You smile back at him, shrug and pick up the knife you are using to cut up the apple on the kitchen counter. “I honestly have no idea.” You answer playfully. You slice up the apple slowly. You hear Tyler grunt quietly, but it’s a deep and dark sound. “FuNnY.” He chuckles and he places his dirtblack hand on top of yours. “YOU LIKE TO JOKE AROUND? BECAUSE SO DO I.”

You don’t turn your head to look at him, but you can feel yourself losing all control. All your sense of selfcontrol vanishes as you turn and walk over to the table where Josh is sitting. Tyler is only inches behind you. You reach the table and Josh lifts his head. He stops chewing down his food as you gaze at him. You smile and then your lips move, “Would you like some ketchup with that?” Josh looks at you, then his eyes cross Tylers and he swallows. He looks down at his plate again and then his eyes wander off towards your hand. You’re holding the sharp knife in your fist and smile at him. Josh shakes his head, confused and he stutters, “Uhm…I…uhm…” Then you open the palm of your other hand and make a deep large cut across the width of your palm. You smile the whole time through, not even feeling the pain as the blood seeps out. 

Josh doesn’t know what to do, as his jaw drops and he just watches you cut yourself. Tyler is looking at you with pride, chuckling and smiling. You stop and squeeze your hand tight, holding it above Josh his plate. The blood drips all over his food. Red large circles covering the fluffy yellow eggs. Josh looks at it with wide open eyes, still speechless. His hand is trembling as he puts down his fork, next to the plate. He closes his eyes, trying to drown out Tylers mocking sounds. And then he finds it. The peace inside of his head, the one place he knows he can always turn to when he’s anxious. He can hear the drums and he can see the lights in the crowd. It’s as if the whole world is inside that room. He looks over to his left, where he used to see Tyler. But it’s only a dark spot on the floor and then Josh opens his eyes. 

You’re still smiling while Josh gets up from his seat and walks over to the small kitchen. He opens one of the cabinets and takes out a roll of paper towels. Ripping a bunch of it with one hand, he walks over to you and grabs your bleeding fist. The expression on his face is calm and he presses the paper towels on your hand. Your smile fades and you frown, feeling a sharp pain in the wound you just inflicted on yourself. When Tyler realizes that Josh isn’t freaking out, he stops chuckling. You yelp, without intention, and Josh hushes, “Shh, calm down. It’s just a cut. I’ll have Mark take you to a hospital to get it checked, allright?” He smiles reassuringly, the way only Josh can smile and a little part of your heart lights up.


	26. Chapter Twenty Six

The lights in the hallway backstage are faint. Josh is sitting by the door, waiting for Tyler to come and meet up with him, before they hit the stage. He stares at his shoes, rubbing some dirt of the side of his black sneakers. Not even one word. Not one word came out of Tylers mouth, ever since the incident this morning. Tyler left the tourbus immediately after and disappeared, leaving everyone worried about his whereabouts. When he suddenly popped up, late in the afternoon, he didn’t even glance at Josh when he passed him in the venue. Josh bites his bottom lip, thinking back to the way you slowly cut into your skin. He just can’t believe that Tyler would actually go that far. Josh shakes his head and sighs. His plan obviously needs to be carried out much quicker than he intented. He needs to keep you safe.

One of the lights flickers, which makes Josh snap out of his daydream. He looks up into the empty hallway, suddenly wondering what time it is. Shouldn’t there be more ambiance right now? He looks at his watch. It’s only 25 minutes until the show. There should be at least a couple of people running around at this point. The shadow on the wall starts out small. It begins in the corner that is the furthest away from Josh. He doesn’t even notice at first, but it grows taller, covering the entire height of the wall on his left side. Josh gasps. He stands up and balls his hands into fists. The light keeps flickering, distorting the speed in which the shadow is growing. It’s not a shape, it’s just a dark black spot on the wall, growing larger like ink on a napkin. 

Josh looks at it, not once removing his eyes. He tries to control his shaky breath, but he’s scared out of his mind. This feels different. It feels different than what’s usually haunting him. He can feel it, it’s much much colder. Much eerier and it feels like … death. As he stands, nailed to the ground, the dark shadow reaches the ceiling and creeps up to him. The ringing in his ears is getting louder and then suddenly it stops. Everything stops. Not a single noise is heard. The silence is deafening. Josh instinctively reaches for his ears, cupping them with his hands, but he hears nothing. The light stopped flickering and the shadow is gone. Josh keeps tapping his ears, trying not to panic. But it’s futile. He can’t hear anything, not the sound of his fingers against his ears, not the sound of the zooming lights, no background noises. Nothing at all.

He turns around and opens the door the stage area. He sees the stagelights and quickly glances at the crowd, but he can’t hear them cheer. He closes his eyes in an attempt to make this nightmare end, but it’s not working. Suddenly two hands grab his shirt from behind and he’s being pulled backwards with an unimaginable force. It drags him back through the door and into the dark hallway. The sudden motion leaves a rush in his head, and the ringing in his ears is back. Josh falls on the floor of the hallway, flat on his back. 

A pair of red eyes are glowing up in the dark, staring at him from above. Josh groans and places his hand on his forehead. He could hear it. He could hear his own voice. The eyes keep staring at him and then he’s able to make out the shape of Tylers face. “DID YOU THINK I WAS JUST GONNA SIT BACK AND WATCH?” The dark deep voice says and a grin appears around Tylers mouth. “YOU DON’T GET TO CHANGE THE RULES…YOU ONLY GET TO FOLLOW.” Josh gasps and tries to push himself up from the floor, but it’s like something is pushing him down. “YOU’RE PATHETIC. LOOK AT YOU.” Tyler chuckles. “YOUR KINDNESS IS ALMOST… REPULSIVE… IT MAKES YOU WEAK. IT MAKES YOU…LOSE…”

Josh bites his lips, clenches his jaws and spits back, “I wouldn’t be too sure about that.” He smirks and continues, “She’s gonna see what you really are and then we’ll see who’s losing!” But he can barely finish his sentence, before Tyler wraps his hands around his throat. They’re like two clamps, tightening around his throat and he’s gasping for air. “DON’T FORGET WHO I AM. DON’T FORGET WHO YOU ARE TALKING TO!!” Tyler is no longer calm. The anger in his voice is clearly present and it roars throughout the empty hallway. “I KNOW ALL YOUR SECRETS. I KNOW ALL YOUR FEARS. I CAN TAKE WHATEVER I WANT FROM YOU. I CAN SHOW YOU WHAT HELL IS LIKE.” Josh is still gasping, not being able to breathe. The lack of oxygen makes him dizzy and he tries to get away, but he can’t. “I WILL NOT HESITATE. DON’T FUCK WITH ME OR I…WILL…KILL…WHAT YOU LOVE MOST.”

Josh almost passes out, but then Tyler lets go. The red eyes disappear and the hallway seems less dark. He keeps gasping for air, trying to catch his breath, as he sits up straight. The fear is making his entire body tremble. Tears run down his cheeks. He can’t stop being afraid and as he sits there, crying, he knows that it’s not kindness but fear that makes him weak. The fear of seeing what he loves most being killed by the one person that knows him best. In that brief moment, he misses Tyler more than anything. He doesn’t want to do this alone anymore. He doesn’t know how.


	27. Chapter Twenty Seven

Tyler inspects the bruises on his face in the bathroom mirror. He loves it when you get angry, but this time he had to use his entire box of tricks to keep you in check. After putting Josh in his place, he needed to do the same thing with you, but that didn’t go as easily. He watched as your lips turned into that bloodred color while you spoke. The way strands of red hair fell down your cheeks and covered your dimples. Those sweet cute dimples that he fell in love with. There was nothing cute and sweet about you when you became his monster. The monster he created and the monster that turned on him. Making everyone he loves suffer, because of him.

He sits on the bed and gazes at you while you sleep. Your back turned to him, resting so peacefully. Your hair has returned to its natural color and the light shining through the curtains makes the whole room bath in a soft glow. Tyler rubs his hand through his hair. He can think clearly this time of day, when the sun is rising. It’s a small window of him being in control. He bites his lip, trying not to get too emotional. His mornings are filled with regret. He made a deal with the devil and now he’s paying for it. His demons were telling him that they only wanted him, but they lied. It’s what they do, Tyler knows it, but he also knows that somehow being with you is exactly what he wanted. And that’s what makes it worse. He wanted to save you, he wanted to make that sacrifise, but he couldn’t. 

You groan as you turn on your back and open your eyes slowly. Tyler smiles at you. You rub your eyes and smile back at him. He lays down next to you and softly strokes your cheek with the back of his hand. He lets it travel down your neck, your throat, your chest. His soft fingers feel like velvet on your skin. You moan quietly, taking in all of the pleasure. You close your eyes and listen to him breathing, as his fingers explore your body. He kisses your cheek and keeps doing what he’s doing. Looking for that perfect spot. The spot that makes you tingle with excitement. Tyler smiles when he sees you bite your lips. He knows he found it. You spread your legs slightly, just to grant him more access, but you keep your eyes closed. You had Blurry last night. Right now, you just want Tyler. And he’s there with you, you can feel it. It’s in the way he gently presses his lips against your ear. It’s in the way he whispers those sweet words to you. It’s in the way he smells and you turn your head to look at him. His dark brown eyes are filled with a thousand apologies. But none of them matter right now.

The lights on stage are bright and Josh shields his eyes as he sits down behind his drums. He didn’t sleep at all last night. Everytime he closed his eyes, he saw those red glowing eyes and he felt like he was drowning. He was afraid that when he woke up, his hearing would have disappeared again. So he decided to stay awake for as long as he could. He picks up a set of drumsticks and looks at you. You’re smiling and touching Marks shoulder as you drink your coffee. Josh frowns and sighs. He hasn’t seen you smile in days. Maybe he should give up on you. Maybe he should give up on everything. Maybe things are just the way they are because he’s never been good enough. He just wants to see you happy. And obviously he can’t make you happy. He’s useless, just like Blurryface always told him. 

“Stop wallowing and start playing.” Tylers voice is harsh, but it makes his thoughts stop. Tyler smirks at him. Josh scrapes his throat, slightly taken off guard by Tylers comment. “Don’t you have better things to do?” Josh answers, pointing his head towards you. “Two people to mess with…seems like your hands are already full, no?” He adds, sarcastically. Tyler tilts his head and smiles, “Oh Joshie, I can handle a lot more than two, yOu KNoW tHAt. PLUS I’M HAVING TOO MUCH FUN TO STOP NOW.” Tylers hands are black as the night, as he picks up his ukelele and slams the strings. Josh looks around, praying for someone to see the change in Tyler, but nobody does. And by the time Michael runs up the stage, Tylers hands are back to normal. 

That night the show looks perfect. But it feels like a failure to Josh. He tried to find solace in playing, but it wasn’t happening that night. The entire show just felt redundant. Like there was no reason for them to even be there. And when Josh leaves the stage, he just can’t help but feel the need to cry. Everything they fought for these past years has been wiped out tonight. Josh puts on a dry shirt and even though he has no energy left whatsoever, he feels anger boiling up inside of him. It's pumping through his veins, like a rush of fresh warm blood. He balls his fists, trying to temper it, but it’s useless. It wakes up a side of him that he didn’t know before. All his frustration builds up and then he jumps from his seat. He turns towards the mirror and smashes his fist into it, making it shatter into a million pieces.

You gasp when you see Josh standing in front of you. He’s sweating and blood is dripping from his hand. You wanna walk past him, run towards your hotelroom to hide behind Tyler, but Josh is blocking your way. He’s breathing heavily, like a bull on steroids. “Josh?” You say his name, carefully, but it doesn’t seem to reach him. Then he grabs your wrist and drags you into his hotelroom, locking the door behind you. “Josh…” You say, now pushing out your arms in an attempt to keep him at a distance. But he pushes you around like it’s nothing. You shake your head in disbelief. You have never seen him like this before. “You think I’m weak? You think I will just let you walk all over me, taking everything…and everyone…I’ve ever loved?” Josh shouts at you. You take a deep breath. Josh keeps staring you straight in the eye and you smile, “ARE YOU DONE PLAYING NICE, DRUMMER BOY?”


	28. Chapter Twenty Eight

Josh doesn’t move from his spot. The change in you doesn’t seem to make him change his mind. You grin and slowly walk towards him. Full of arrogance and confidence, you stand before him. He never takes his eyes off of you, not even when you take his hand. The look in his eyes confirms his determination. He watches as you bring his hand up to your face, and glide it over your cheek. “HAVE YOU MISSED ME?” You ask, still grinning. Josh breathes through his nose. A shiver running down his spine as he prepares himself for what he’s about to do. 

You let go of his hand and smack him in the face with the palm of your hand. Once and then again. But he doesn’t flinch. “YOU NEED TO KNOW YOUR PLACE, DRUMMER BOY.” You smile, “I’M IN CONTROL NOW, DON’T FORGET IT.” You lean in and smell his neck, “MMM, YOU SMELL OF HATE. I LIKE THAT. I LIKE THE SCENT OF IT.” You close your eyes and crack your neck. “I MIGHT JUST LOSE MYSELF IN IT FOR A WHILE. YOU KNOW I LOVE TO BRING OUT THE WORST IN PEOPLE. YOUR SPECIES ARE SO … WEAK. YES…WEAK…AND IT’S YOUR WEAKNESSES THAT I THRIVE ON.” A loud giggle escapes your red lips. This playground is yours now and you are having fun.

But Josh doesn’t seem to mind. In fact he only encourages you. He pushes your shoulder, daring you to take another shot at him. “I’m not afraid of you anymore. And it’s about time we had a fair fight, don’t you think?” He says, while he keeps pushing you. You are getting pretty annoyed by his actions and you push him back with both hands, which causes him to fall back. But he gets up immediately and charges at you. He rams you into the closet door, making the wooden panels crack. But you pull his shirt and rip it to pieces as you fight him off. You swing your fist at him, but he manages to avoid it and he steps back. You laugh loudly, “A FAIR FIGHT?” You laugh again, “YOU’RE NO MATCH FOR ME!” Josh is sweating, his shirt ripped and his face all flushed. “We will see about that.” He responds and swiftly grabs both your shoulders and pushes you down on the bed. 

You try to push yourself up, but Josh is faster than you. He sits down on top of you, pinning your arms down on the mattress. You growl, almost like a dog, trying to free yourself from his grip. But he’s strong, his whole being filled with anger and he keeps you down. “You took my best friend…” He hisses, “Then you took my girlfriend…” He shakes his head as he speaks, “But I won’t let you take my music…” His hands are quick as they wrap around your throat. You struggle to breath, his grip is so tight. And then he brings his face close to yours, staring at you for what seems like a century. “If it’s hate you feed on, then feed on me! Cause I really truly feel nothing but hate right now.” Josh says, curling his lips. Your eyes are wide open as he speaks. You can feel your heart beat out of your chest and the blood rush through your body. 

Josh breathes in and then places his lips on yours. He kisses you hard, while he keeps choking you and then he stops and bites your bottom lip. He bites it so hard that it bleeds and you want to scream, but you can only produce some sort of grunt. You close your eyes. Every fibre of your body is trembling. It’s a tingling sensation, running through your entire body, from your head down to your toes. You feel your heart slowly changing rythm, your muscles cramp and a sharp pain in your head. This is it. You’re dying. You’re dying at the hands of a man who loved you at one point. And then you feel it, the sweet sense of relief. Every dark spot on your soul gathers and seems to leave your body all at once. It bursts through your chest and leaves you numb. All the pain has vanished. The grip around your throat softens and then it’s gone entirely. 

All you can see is light. It’s so peaceful, you’ve never felt this calm before. But then you feel a breeze and you gasp. The moment the air hits your lungs, you start coughing. You reach for your sore throat, trying to catch your breath. And when you open your eyes, you can’t believe what you see. Josh is looking back at you, breathing heavily and his hair has turned from bright pink to red. You watch him as red faded circles surround his eyes. “Oh…my god…” You whisper as you sit up straight. 

Josh is just sitting there, on his knees, on the bed. He stares at you through those dark eyes and you can’t help but stare back in utter surprise. “What have you done?” You ask, tears rolling down your cheeks. And then you notice it. You feel completely different. The tears hitting your skin, the way your hair tickles the back of your neck, the air you breathe. It all feels different. It’s almost like you’re feeling everything for the first time. A rebirth, a liberation from whatever haze you have been in all this time. And even though Josh his appearance is like something out of a graphic novel, your surroundings seem more real than they did before. 

Josh sighs and smiles at you. “CLEVER.” He shakes his head, “REALLY CLEVER…” He mouths the words but it’s not his voice. “Josh…?” You say, your voice shaky and your cheeks wet. You reach out slowly. Your fingertips gently stroke his cheek and he lets you. He closes his eyes, enjoying the small but significant gesture. You shuffle closer to him and stroke your fingers through his red wavy hair. “It’s okay, baby. I’m here now.” You whisper at him. But he just sighs and keeps his eyes closed. You kiss him gently, remembering his taste. He kisses you back and then opens his eyes and smiles at you, “THAT’S RIGHT. WE’RE OKAY NOW.”


	29. Chapter Twenty Nine

The next morning you’re awakened by a knock on the door. It sounds hesitant. Almost as if the person knocking isn’t entirely sure that he should. You open your eyes and turn to find Josh next to you. He’s sitting up straight in the bed and looks at the door with wide open eyes. Another knock and then you hear Tylers voice, “Josh?” He sounds tired, his voice cracks. “Is she in there with you?” You push yourself up, suddenly fully awake. Tyler doesn’t sound very upset, he sounds rather lost and you can’t stand the thought of him feeling that way. You look at Josh again, who looks back at you. You want to shout out to Tyler but Josh places his indexfinger over his mouth, hushing you.

You stay quiet, even though your heart is racing. “Josh?” He sounds so helpless. The doorknob slowly twists and turns, but the door is locked. “Josh…are you…are you okay?” You sigh in disbelief. He’s worried about Josh. You look out the window and you can see how the sun is rising over the city. It’s beautiful, making the city glow in a vague yellow light. You realise that Tyler is probably worried that something happened to Josh. And that something is you. You happened to Josh. And you will never forgive yourself for it. The one pure true thing in your life has been polluted by darkness and it’s your own fault for letting it get this far. 

“Josh? Please…” The desperation is Tylers voice is so prominent. You ignore Josh his attempt to keep you in place while you step out of the bed. When you open the door, Tyler is standing there with his hands in his pockets. He stares at you. The look in his eyes is empty and tired, as if he’s been crying all night. You want to say something, but you can’t find the words. So you press your lips together, feeling your cheeks glow in embarrasment. Tyler squints his eyes, his stare still focused on you. He tilts his head slightly and mutters, “It’s you.” You frown, but he doesn’t seem to elaborate. He just smiles briefly and then his eyes wander off to Josh, who has gotten out of the bed. 

Josh is standing next to the bed, firm, his arms resting next to his body. Tyler takes a step towards him and hisses, “AnD yOu…” He walks passed you, towards Josh and faces him. There’s only a few feet between them. Your mind is twisting to find a way to stop whatever is coming, but you have no idea of how to handle this. Josh smirks, as the veins around his eyes start to show and he balls his fists. Tyler sniffs, “WeLL…tHis oUGhT To bE INteResTINg…” He says. Josh doesn’t respond, but the red has now completely circled his eyes and the pink in his hair is gone. You look at Tyler, who seems to be in control more than Josh is. There’s no black on his hands or neck but when he turns around, you can see that his eyes are lit up. He’s smiling as he walks out of the room. He stops once he’s passed you and turns to face you. 

You look at him, his eyes returned to the dark brown color they usually are. He moves closer and you can feel a cold breeze as he whispers, “This is your chance to get out. Take it.” He looks at you and nods slowly. Tears wallow up in your eyes and you need to bite your lip, in order not to start crying. But then Josh wraps his arms around you from behind. He rests his chin on your shoulder, softly humming. And you know it’s not him. You can feel it. You can feel the darkness in his touch. You’ve never been scared of Josh before, but right now you feel nothing but fear. “SHHH…IT’S OKAY, BABY. YOU CAN REST NOW. I’LL TAKE OVER FROM HERE.” 

You’re packing all your stuff in your duffel bag. You didn’t bring much into the hotel, the rest of your luggage is still on the bus. You waited until Tyler left the room, and now you’re hurrying to avoid any confrontation. Tyler is right, you need to leave. You need to find a way to leave it all behind. Maybe the whole thing will stop when you leave. It started with you, now it can end with you. You keep thinking about Josh and what happened last night. You keep wondering why. He fought it for so long, but last night he willingly surrendered. You took the blow for him. You wanted to keep him safe. You would have done everything to protect the good that’s inside of him. But you failed to see that he was trying to do the same thing for you. 

You stumble out of the room, your bag dangling from your shoulder. Almost paranoid, you keep looking around the hallway to make sure no one is following you. When you get into the elevator, you call Michael on his cell. “Hey.” His voice sounds and you can tell he’s already in the parking lot, by the noise in the background. “Michael? I need your help.” You say, somewhat cautious. “Oh?” He asks. “I need my luggage from the bus. I need it right now.” You say, without any intent to explain yourself. “What? Like…everything?” He stutters. You sigh, well aware of the fact that you left stuff inside your bunk and scattered around the sitting area. “Yeah, everything.” You respond. “Well, I’m not sure if… I mean, I don’t know what…” He keeps stuttering and you breathe out in frustration. “Okay, nevermind, I will come for it. But don’t leave. Just stay there…please? I will be there in a sec.”

When you arrive at the bus, you see the crew loading equipment into the cargo space and you thoroughly scan the crowd to look for the boys. You bump into Michael straight away. “Hey, what’s going on?” He asks, with his arms spread and a confused look in his eyes. You shake your head, “Nothing. I’m leaving. That’s all.” You say, somewhat cold. “Leaving?” He speeds up, to catch up with you, “Leaving where?” You turn your head and look at him over your shoulder, “Are they here?” You ask. Michael frowns and shakes his head, “No…no, I don’t think so.” You breathe out in relief and step into the bus.


	30. Chapter Thirty

The moment you enter the bus, you wait and look around. It’s quiet. So quiet, compared to the noisy scene outside, it almost feels as if you’ve stepped into another world. You quickly grab your stuff from the sitting area and stuff it into your bag. You rush into the sleeping compartments. You take everything from your bunk, some clothes, a notebook, pencils and of course your stuffed panda. You hold it in your hands for a few seconds, thinking back to the moment when Josh handed it to you. He took you to a local fair and he was so proud that he’d won you a price. Although you considered him the real price. 

You curse silently, when you realize that you have left some underwear in Tylers bunk. So you climb up to his bunk and open the curtain. You look under the blankets but you can’t seem to find it. You crawl inside, turning all the pillows and then you stumble upon his notebook. It’s a black leather notebook that he guards with his life. He’s constantly writing, but never shows anyone until he has put it all together. You bite your lip, but your curiosity gets the best of you and you carefully pick it up. When you open it, you find all sorts of short poems, sentences, words, some bold and big and others crossed out. 

Intrigued by the exclusive view into Tylers mind, you keep turning the pages. Until suddenly you hear a voice behind you. “WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?” You gasp as you turn around. Tyler is standing in the doorway of the compartment. He’s wearing his red beanie and he looks at you with red glowing eyes. Embarrassed and startled, you put away the notebook and shake your head, “I wasn’t…” You stutter, but he interrupts you, “YES, YOU WERE.” You don’t look at him, trying to bury your shame, “I’m sorry, I know I’m not supposed to.”

Tyler closes the door and climbs up to his bunk. He crosses his legs, rests his hands on his knees and never once takes his eyes off of you. “YOU WEREN’T SUPPOSED TO BE IN HIS ROOM EITHER.” He tilts his head, pressing his lips together and taking a deep breath through his nose, “SO WHY WERE YOU?” You shake your head again, pleading, “It’s not what you think.” Tyler smirks, “HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK?”

You can’t help but feel exhausted. This battle has worn you out more than anything and you just want it to be over. “Tyler…” You sigh, trying to find him in there somewhere. And it seems to work. Hearing you say his name, even though it’s almost a whisper, makes him twitch. He closes his eyes and shakes his head, almost as if he’s trying to get out. But the black on his neck and hands is still there. He opens his eyes and looks at you again. He smiles and says, “IF YOU WANNA BE WITH TYLER, YOU’RE GONNA HAVE TO GO THROUGH ME.” He leans in closer and his voice is deep and raw as he speaks, “BUT THEN…YOU DON’T MIND THAT, DO YOU?” He keeps smiling at you, “NO, YOU DON’T MIND STARING INTO THE FACE OF DARKNESS. YOU LOVE THE WAY IT LOOKS. YOU LOVE THE WAY IT WHISPERS TO YOU. MAKING YOUR SKIN CRAWL AND TINGLE WITH JOY. YOU LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT IT.”

You know he’s right. And you know that the guilt will eat you. Piece by piece, until nothing is left. It makes you furious. You ball your hands into fists and hiss at him, “You should have stayed away from Josh. I told you to leave him alone.” He chuckles at your comment and replies, “I’M SORRY.” He puts his hand over his heart, emphasizing the sarcasm in his voice, “I DIDN’T KNOW I WAS SUPPOSED TO FOLLOW ORDERS.” You’re almost shouting at this point, “You were supposed to take only me. Wasn’t that what you wanted? Wasn’t that what you came here for?”

“WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I DON’T HAVE YOU ANYMORE?” His voice echoes as he speaks,“YOU CAN’T LEAVE. YOU WON’T. NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU WANT TO.” You sniff and say, “Who’s gonna stop me? You?” He stares at you and slowly shakes his head, “NOT ME. HIM.” Then he points at his own reflection in the small mirror on the wall. You follow his eyeline and see Tyler looking back at you in the mirror. The red in his eyes gone. The black on his neck and hands completely abscent. You gasp at the sight of him. And when you turn your head , you are staring straight into his dark brown eyes. He sits very still and mutters the word, “Run.”

“Tyler…”, you whisper and reach out to take his hand. He looks so sad, your heart breaks with every second passing. “Please…” He wines and starts to cry, “I can’t control him anymore. I’m so sorry…I am. About everything.” He shakes his head softly while tears are rolling down his cheeks. You comfort him, rubbing his arm gently, “It’s not your fault, Tyler. You did what you thought was right.” Your words make him chuckle and he firmly says, “No.” He lifts his head to look at you, “I did it because… I’m in love with you. I wanted you…more than I wanted to keep him away. And now it’s tearing us apart.”

You bite your lip and quietly say, “He has Josh. He has Josh now.” Tyler nods, “I know.” You take his hands in yours and plead, “Don’t hurt him. Please don’t hurt him.” Tyler sighs and replies, “I won’t.” He bites his lip and looks away, “But God knows what he will do.” He looks at you again, shaking his head, “That’s why you need to leave. You can’t be around for that.”

“For what? What will he do?” You ask, but he doesn’t respond. You turn to grab his notebook and you flip the pages, looking for that one phrase. You find it quickly and read it out loud, “It's deciding where to die and deciding where to fight.” You put the notebook down in your lap and look into his eyes, “What does it mean, Tyler?” Still no response and then you ask him again, “Tell me what it means!”

“I don’t know!! I don’t know, okay? These…words. They just flow from my pen to my paper. I can’t… I can’t make sense of them yet.” He says, clearly frustrated. There’s a moment of silence and then you ask, “Does he write them? Does he tell you to write them?” Tyler shrugs, “Sometimes. I dunno… Either way, he’s always there when I write. Always.” You put aside the notebook and firmly say, “I’m staying.” Tyler panics, “No. You’re not.” But you lift up your hands to state your point, “I am. Not because of him. But because of you.” A shiver runs down your spine, “And because of Josh.” Tyler clenches his jaw and asks, “You still love him, don’t you?” You don’t know how to respond, because deep down you know you will always love Josh. Tyler sniffs and leans in, “But you will never be his girl.” His mouth is close to your ear as he whispers, “He doesn’t need you. NOT LIKE I DO.”


	31. Chapter Thirty One

The rumbling tone in his voice makes the hair stand up on the back of your neck. You close your eyes and listen to him breathing in your ear. “YOU CAN’T PROTECT HIM. NOT ANYMORE.” He slowly strokes your shoulder with the tips of his fingers. “NO…BUT I CAN.” He stops and looks you straight in the eye. “ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS LOOK…AND YOU WILL SEE.” He smirks and then he kisses you on the mouth. You’re reluctant at first, but you can’t resist him, no matter how hard you try. He kisses you harder, pushing his tongue into your mouth, exploring every corner. 

He pushes you down on the sheets harshly and grabs your wrists. He keeps kissing your mouth, your face, your neck until you’re softly moaning. He lets go of your wrist as he works his way down. “I NEED TO TASTE YOU TO KNOW…” He says. You frown as you push your head back into the pillow. “…know what?” You ask, sighing. You know that Tyler is far gone by now, but you can’t seem to stop and think. You just let him take you like this. He pulls down your trousers and pushes your t-shirt up, while he licks your belly. You tug at his red beanie, but it almost seems stuck to his head. “Mmmm…” You groan as he pulls down your panties. “TO KNOW IF YOU’RE STILL MINE.” He grunts and digs his tongue in deep. His chin is wet when he looks up at you and says, “HMMM, YES…GOOD GIRL.” 

You gasp as he licks you again and keeps hitting your core with precision. He knows just what you like, just what you need. You melt under his touch. His fingers are grazing at your skin and he doesn’t stop. Not even one second. You try to keep yourself from moaning, but it’s useless as you close in and climax. “Ooooooh, uh…Tyler…” You groan, but when you open your eyes, all you can see is black and red. The colors and shapes shift with every single thrust. They form patterns that move along with him. He moves slow and steady at first and then harder and faster. You close your eyes again. He moves so fast and merciless, the shapes are fading into eachother and they look like blurry bloodstains on the back of your eyelids. “…I can’t…uh…”, you moan softly and then he kisses your lips. It burns like fire. It’s as if he’s a torch and you’re about to burst into flames. 

The tempo is steady as he slows down and stops gradually. No climax, no big comprehensive ending. Just a fade out. The red and black are now large pulsing circles. Your vision is all caught up in it and even when it stops, it doesn’t return to normal. You’re left panting and motionless. The throbbing in your ears is deafening. “What do you see?” Tylers voice sounds like it’s coming from another dimension. But he’s right next to you when you open your eyes. He’s sitting on his knees and he looks at you with nothing but curiosity in his eyes. You look around and you notice that the curtain is wide open. You look at Tyler, who’s looking back at you. You sit up and realise that you’re fully clothed. “You saw something, didn’t you?” Tylers asks, “Tell me what it was.” You shake your head, confused. 

Tyler grabs his notebook and a pen and hands it to you. “Draw it for me.” He says and then adds, “Please.” The smouldering look in his eyes convinces you to do as he asks. You take the pen and start drawing the lines and circles that you saw. “All I saw were shapes…I dunno, it doesn’t mean anything…”, you say as you keep drawing. “What colors?” Tyler asks, as if he already knows the answer. You look at him for a second, “Black and red.” You turn back to the pen and paper. Tyler nods and repeats your words, “Hmm, black and red.” He chuckles, “Sadness and anger… right?” You look up and say, “Yeah…right.” You bite your lip, remembering the moodboard and remembering how you wrote down the word BLURRY on it. A shiver runs down your spine. Did you know him somehow? Did you bring all of this madness with you, without knowing about it? 

Tyler shuffles closer to you and softly says, “We all know him. In one way or the other, we’ve all seen him at one point.” You frown and look at him. Were you thinking out loud? “The trick is…the trick is to find a way to keep him in the shadows.” He says. You put down the pen and sigh, “But isn’t that what you did? With your music? You kept him in the shadows.” Tyler nods furiously, “Yes. We kept him there by playing…night after night.” You look at Tyler, who’s staring at the sheets, like he’s sunk away in his thoughts. “So then…why didn’t he stay there?” You ask, cautiously. Tyler blinks and looks at you, “Because…I needed...you. And he knew that. It made me weak, so he used it. He made me think of all the wrong I have done, all the evil I have done and he made my soul feel heavy. It feels heavy and dirty and I can’t wipe it clean anymore. I never could. I don’t deserve to, so it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t make a difference if I do the right thing, or choose the right path. He will always be there to remind me that I can never be…good.” 

You press your lips together. Tyler balls his hands in frustration and then breathes out. “Tyler, I know that you think that you’re to blame for all of this, but you’re not. I was there too. I wanted this too.” You take his hand and softly squeeze it. But Tyler shakes his head and says, “You had doubts. That’s what he was feeding on. Your doubts.” You sit back and stay quiet for a moment. Tyler chews on the inside of his cheek while he keeps staring in the distance. You frown, puzzling inside of your head and ask, “What does he feed on with Josh?” Tyler doesn’t even stop to think before he answers, “Fear.” 

“Fear?” You ask, not sure how to put in context. “You know Josh. He’s too nice for his own good.” Tyler says, casually and changes his sitting position. “He’s afraid to hurt people and afraid to get hurt…by people.” He continues. “So he denies the fact that people can be evil. He chooses to believe that whatever happens, good will always triumph.” Tyler raises his hands in a dramatic gesture, mocking his own words. “So he feeds on guilt, doubt and fear.” You mutter, silently. Tyler fiddles at the hem of your t-shirt. “Mmm…” He hums and then takes the notebook and studies your drawings thoroughly. He traces his fingers across the ink and says, “He’s manifesting through colors and shapes. It won’t take long before he’s manifesting through sounds.”


	32. Chapter Thirty Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I am so so so sorry for the long hiatus. I have been going through some stuff lately and I just couldn't seem to continue the story in a decent way. But I found my strength in writing again and I promise, no more long silences :)
> 
> So I hope you all enjoy this new chapter, more to follow very soon! (pinky swear)

It’s already hot inside the venue, and the crowd isn’t even inside. Josh wipes his forehead with a towel and picks up his drumsticks. He looks around and breathes in. The empty space around him makes him feel more alive then ever before and he beats down on his drums. “Jeez…” He hears Tylers voice behind him. When he turns around, Tyler is giving him a big smile and a wink. “You know we don’t like it when there’s too much noise.” Tyler says and he giggles. Josh gives him a crooked smile. He knows what Tyler means, but he can’t seem to find a way to beat his drums any less hard. 

Tyler sits down at his piano. He strokes the keys gently with the tips of his fingers. Josh just keeps staring at him. The silence in the venue echoes and then Tyler mutters, “She needs to be handled with care. Like porcelain, so fragile.” He looks up at Josh and grins, “SHE LIKES IT WHEN I USE MY FINGERTIPS…IT DRIVES HER INSANE.” Josh holds his breath, feeling the anger built up inside of him. It’s an uncontrollable force of violence and it takes over as soon as Tyler speaks the words. “SHE NEVER CHOSE YOU!” Josh yells at Tyler, “SHE WAS BLINDED BY DOUBT. BUT YOU CAN’T REACH HER ANYMORE. I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN SAVE HER!”

A single moment of silence lingers between them. Their stares entangled and their breathing synchronized. But then Tyler bursts out in laughter. Josh looks at him, bewildered. Tyler stops laughing. He jumps up from his chair and climbs on top of his piano. “IS THAT WHO YOU TRULY ARE? HER SAVIOR?” He screams at Josh, who’s standing behind his drums. “BECAUSE FROM WHERE I’M STANDING…IT LOOKS LIKE WHAT YOU WANNA SAVE YOU WILL KILL.” Tyler tilts his head and smiles. Josh sits down slowly. He looks down at his hands, the drumsticks laying still across his sweaty palms. He sighs and mumbles, “You don’t know her like I do…” 

Tyler jumps off of his piano and walks up to Josh in a fast pace. “Please.” He bloats, “I know all her weaknesses. The things that make her live, the things that make her die.” He grins, “AND WE BOTH KNOW THAT THIS WILL ONLY END ONE WAY.” Josh presses his lips together and balls his fists around his drumsticks. He breathes in and starts hitting his drums as hard as he can. He plays the loudest beats he knows, while looking at Tyler the whole time, waiting to see him flinch. But he doesn’t. He just stands there, taking it. And then Josh realises, Tylers Blurryface might be stronger than his. He never thought about it until now. Tyler was always the one in control, so he never really noticed. Josh keeps hitting the drums. The sound pierces through the thick air like a spear. 

You look at Josh as he enters the hotelroom. His face is flushed and his shirt is wet. You put down the book you were reading and smile, “You look like you had a good work-out.” But Josh doesn’t respond. He takes off his shirt in a hurry and rumbles through his bag. He seems rushed, like he’s gonna be late for something. You admire the curves on his back, his shoulderblades, his waist, as he’s standing there with his back turned to you. “Josh?” You ask, carefully. He breathes out in frustration. Not being able to find what he’s looking for, he throws the bag on the floor with one swift push. When he turns to you, the skin around his eyes is red. He looks at you, those dark big eyes, just staring and then he opens his mouth, “WHERE IS IT?” 

Tyler pokes the banana in front of him. He took one from the large fruit basket in his dressing room and displayed it on a white porcelain plate. He specifically asked not to put bananas in the basket, but someone clearly wasn’t informed. So he decided to take out a banana, put it on a plate and smash it. Just to make a point. But the will to smash anything isn’t really there. He keeps thinking about you. You shouldn’t have been involved. If he would have never met you, he could have gone years without any of this happening. But then you sat down next to him one day and smiled at him. Why was he so weak? Why was he such a goddamn loser? This was all so messed up. And he was the one who created it. The guilt. It stings like a needle and it weighs heavy on his heart. 

You shake your head softly. “Josh, I don’t know what you’re talking about…” But Josh sniffs and screams back, “JOSH IS NOT HERE RIGHT NOW, DARLING! NOW TELL ME…WHERE IS IT?” “Where’s what? I don’t know…” You plead but he interrupts you, “YEAH, I KNOW…YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT…” He places his hand on the back of his head and closes his eyes. “OKAY… ONE MORE TIME… WHERE IS THE GUN?”


	33. Chapter Thirty Three

You’re baffled. It’s as if your brain shortcircuits and you can’t think anymore. “The…the gun?” You stutter. Josh breathes out through his nose, “YES, THE GUN.” He tilts his head and stares at you. Your eyes widen and your heart is racing inside your chest. You get up from the bed slowly and you walk up to him. “No, that’s impossible…” You sigh, shaking your head, “You never…I mean, Josh never had a gun. He wouldn’t. He hates those things.” But he looks at you, clearly not impressed. He scrapes his throat and says, “ALL I KNOW IS THAT THERE WAS A GUN IN THAT BAG AND NOW IT’S GONE.” You point at yourself, “I never even knew there was a gun, so I didn’t take it…”. Josh is starting to lose his patience and he rolls his eyes, “WELL, THEN WHO DID?” You shrug but then fear rushes through your veins, “Where is Tyler?”

Tyler stares at himself in the mirror. His dressing room is painted all white. It’s almost blinding. He squints his eyes slightly, trying to focus on his face. The black on his hands and neck isn’t there. The red in his eyes is just a glitter, reflected by the bright lights on the side of the mirror. He swiftly takes the banana from the plate, holds it in his hand like a gun and points it at his reflection. “Bang… bang…” mouthing the words, he keeps staring at his own face. It’s unrecognizable. After all that he has done, after all that he has become, he doesn’t even see himself anymore.

You run down the hallway of the hotel, quickly towards the elevator. You left the room so fast, you didn’t even wear socks or shoes. The button on the elevator lights up, as you wait there, barefoot and panting. When the doors finally open, you look straight into Michaels eyes. Without hesitation, you push him back into the elevator and ask, “Where’s Tyler? Is he with you?” Michael lifts his arms as to say, ‘I surrender’, but then he frowns and chuckles, “No…he’s not…as you can see…” You swallow and shake your head, “We need to find him, where is he?” Michael puts his hands on your shoulders, “What is going on?” He asks, suddenly serious and concerned. “I think…he might…he might hurt someone…” You want to tell him everything, but you know you can’t and even if you wanted to, there is no time for that right now.

Michael frowns, but then his gaze shifts to something behind you. You turn your head, to see what he’s looking at. And there’s Josh. His pink hair turned bloodred and the skin around his eyes darker then ever before. He clenches his jaw and balls his fists. He looks angry. “Josh?” Michael asks, “Did you dye it red now?” He seems confused, as you imagine he must be. “Michael, we don’t have time for …” But he interrupts you and points at Josh, “Are you wearing make-up?” He giggles. You cover his mouth with your hand. “Shhh…don’t…”, you hush, but he pulls away and pushes you back. “What are you doing? What the hell is going on?” He shouts. Josh makes his way to the elevator, calm but steady. But before he reaches you, you push the button to the main floor and the doors close. 

Tyler sighs and gets up from his chair. He takes his jacket, throws it on and walks out of the dressing room. The only light in the large hallway are the little faint spots on the walls and he can feel it creeping up on him. The darkness that lives in the corners, where the light never comes. He puts his hands in his pockets, holding his arms close to his sides. When he reaches the end of the hallway, he stops and stares at the two doors in front of him. One of them leads to the exit and one of them leads up to the roof of the building. He ponders for a minute, weighing his choices and then opens the door to his left.

Michael looks like he’s struck by lightning. “I’m sorry, really, but Josh is…he’s not himself right now.”, you bite your lip, “And neither is Tyler. We really need to find him.” You say, almost pleading. Michael nods, “Okay…uhm…yeah, okay. He’s still at the venue, I think.” You try to recollect your throughts, taking a deep breath. “Allright, we need to get there as fast as we can.” Michael stares down at your naked feet, “Okay, so walking isn’t an option.” He says. As he finishes his sentence, the doors of the elevator open and Josh is standing right in front of you.

Tyler takes every step with caution. As if he’s not entirely sure where the staircase will lead him. But he’s not alone. He can always follow his shadow, as it climbs up the walls and shows him the way upstairs. Up to the roof, away from the world, away from his throughts. “SSSSSSSUCH A WASTE… IS WHAT THEY WILL SAY…” Tyler bites down on his tongue and keeps walking up the stairs. “DON’T FORGET ABOUT ME. DON’T FORGET ABOUT ME.” The dark voice is everywhere now and as Tyler opens the door to the roof, he’s immediately awake. The rain hits his face like a cold shower. He stops for a second, closes his eyes and breathes in the cold air. “Perfect…”, He whispers.


	34. Chapter Thirty Four

The rain hit his skin as Tyler walks slowly across the open space. His eyelids are barely open as the raindrops drip down his eyebrows and eyelashes. The gray sky above him brings nothing but water and cold air. But Tyler can only describe it as a feeling of release. He stands still in the middle of the roof and smiles. Both hands in his pockets. He fiddles softly with the handle of the gun. He knows exactly what brought him here. Or rather WHO brought him here. And now that he's made his decision, he finally feels peace. It's almost worth staying for. That feeling he hasn't had in so long, he almost doesn't consider it real. But it is. It's very real and Tyler bites his lip, somewhat bitter that it will all be over soon. 

Your eyes light up and you practically jump out of the elevator. " Josh?", your voice trembles in excitement. Josh wraps his arms around you and quickly nods at Michael, who's standing in the door of the elevator, completely baffled. Michael shakes his head, "How did you...?" and he frowns and points at Josh, "Wait, wasn't your hair like...?" He stutters, but you interrupt him. "We need to go. We need to get to Tyler before..." You stop and bite your lips. Just the thought of Tyler with a gun in his hand makes you want to cry. Josh looks down at your bare feet and then looks up to Michael, who's holding his car keys in his hand. You and Josh both stare at him. Through all of his confusion, Michael gives up, rolls his eyes and sighs. "Yeah, okay, let's go then." 

"YOU ALREADY KNOW WHAT'S OUT THERE. AND YOU DON'T LIKE IT." Tyler shrugs and watches his shoes, as they get soaked. "IT'S JUST...WHITE NOISE." A shiver runs down his spine as he grabs the handle of the gun tightly in his hand. "It needs to stop. I'm stopping it...right where it all began." Tyler hisses through his teeth, "...with me..." He adds and takes a few steps closer to the edge of the roof. He takes the gun out of his pocket and looks at it, closely inspecting it. He has held a gun before, but never with the intention to destroy. Tyler shakes his head softly, not sure if destruction is what he really wants. He thinks of the silence. The white noise and deafening silence. He thinks of how far away he felt the last time. It felt like he was disappearing and he didn't like that feeling. He wanted to believe that his thoughts and soul would have been saved. That all of his essence would have been preserved in some way. But after last time, he isn't so sure of that anymore. 

Water is streaming down the windows of the car, as the city lights flash by. You try to control your thoughts, but you feel Josh nervously twitching his leg next to yours and it doesn't help one bit. You turn to him and lean in, "What do we do when we find him, Josh?" Josh is nervous and he shakes his head, "I don't know... I don't know what to do anymore." He looks at you with tears in his eyes. "He has all the control and that means anything can happen." Josh wipes his nose with the back of his hand. He sniffs, "I remember the first time I saw him. I was in Tylers living room and I heard him." He squints his eyes, frowning, "I heard that dark deep grunt and I thought it was the devil." You swallow, feeling your throat close up as you listen to Josh. 

"Tyler was in the kitchen. He was standing by the sink, holding a knife and I walked in...to check on him, you know..." Josh looks at you and continues, "He turned to me, Tyler turned to me with the knife pointed at me, but then..." He stops and closes his eyes, taking a deep breath, "...then he placed the knife on his own throat. He placed it against his throat, like he was gonna slit it, and I remember the look in his eyes... despair... Tyler whispered, almost inaudible, he whispered, "help me", so I did. I helped him to stop whatever it was that he was gonna do." You shake your head and take Josh his hand in yours, "You stopped him then, that means you can stop him now, right?" But Josh stays silent for a second and then sighs, "I shouldn't have stopped him..."


	35. Chapter Thirty Five

"What are you talking about?" You shake your head, but Josh just cries and bites his lips in silence. You take a deep breath and sit back in the car seat. Michaels shoulders seem to be to only thing you can focus on, as the panic inside of you rises. His shoulders are steady and broad. His arms stretched out, hands on the wheel. It's a comforting and familiar feeling. Josh his words twirl around inside your head. He must have not really meant it. Right?

You push the door to the entrance of the venue. Josh follows you, somewhat defeated, as you frantically run around, looking for Tyler. You call out his name, while you keep dialing his number over and over. The closer you get to his dressing room, the clearer it sounds. Michael is standing in the doorway of Tylers dressing room and stares at you. "He left his phone..." He says, his voice shaky as he holds up Tylers phone. You swallow, trying to get rid of the lump in your throat. 

And then you feel the pull. It's inexplicable as it grabs your attention and points you straight to the red door at the end of the hallway. You gasp and whisper, "He's on the roof."

The cold wind against his neck makes Tyler shiver. He looks up and stares across the grey skyline. His finger slowly shifts to the trigger. "Here goes nothing..." Tyler whispers. He lifts the gun up to his head and closes his eyes. The loud bang of the steel door opening sounds almost like gunshot. Tylers eyes shoot open. He lowers the gun and turns towards you. 

Josh is the first to walk up to him. He cautiously considers every step as he keeps looking straight into Tylers eyes. The expression on his face is neutral, but his eyes seem darker than usual. Josh watches him carefully. He spreads out his arms in front of him, disarming. "Tyler?" He asks, his warm breath making clouds in the cold air. 

There's no response. Michael waits with you in the doorway. You can feel his whole body trembling beside you. Your fists are balled, ready to fight whatever it is you might face here. The rain makes it hard to hear what Josh is saying. "Tyler...it's me." Josh wipes the raindrops of his face as he approaches Tyler slowly. "Can you...", his voice cracks, "...can you put the gun down, buddy?" Josh points at the gun in Tylers hand and raises his eyebrows.

Tyler doesn't hesitate. He keeps a straight face as he lifts his arm and points the gun at Josh. Your heart skips a beat. You can't think. You reaction is purely instinct, purely a reflex. You run out onto the roof towards Josh. "Tyler!" You shout out his name in desperation. But he doesn't even look at you. It's only then that you notice the black on his hands.

A chuckle escapes Tylers mouth. He smiles so wide, the dimples in his cheeks appear. "I can't do it, Josh. HE WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE." Tyler violently shakes his head. He grabs his hair and starts pulling it. "I know I'm going crazy. You don't have to...COME HERE...and tell me that!" He's practically shouting now. His voice sounds so hoarse, as if he's been shouting for hours. Tyler closes his eyes and then whispers, to himself, "And you don't have to stop me this time."

You close in on him. "Tyler..." You say quietly. "Don't do this. We'll find a way to..." But Tyler interrupts you, slightly turning his head at you, shouting, "SHUT UP! SHUT YOUR FILTHY LYING MOUTH!" You step back, startled by the dark and deep tone in his voice. You've heard it before, but it has never sounded so threatening as it does right now. "YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE LEFT ME. YOU DID THIS. YOU. ALL OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT!" Tyler keeps shaking head, constantly fighting himself. He looks at Josh and lifts his hand, placing the gun back on the side of his head. His voice sounds so little as he pleads, "Please...Josh...I just wanna be free... please..." 

Josh doesn't move or speak. He just keeps his arms spread out in front of him, hoping this gesture will help in some way or another. But it clearly doesn't. He knows he needs to reach Tyler, but there's only one way to do that. Josh weighs his choices as he looks at his friend. Fear in his eyes, anger in his posture. The last time he saw Tyler in this way, takes him back to the first encounter. He remembers Tyler standing at the kitchen sink. He remembers the knife that was pointed straight at him. He remembers how the blood ran down the drain and colored the tiles red. 

Josh feels the rage build up inside his stomach. It comes up in waves, up and down. Deep down he knows that everything that's happened is not Tylers fault. But he can't help but feel angry. The red covers his eyelids and it spreads out to his cheeks as he tries to control his breathing. His hair turns from pink to red. He smirks and says, "WE CAN STILL WIN."


	36. Chapter Thirty Six

Your heart sinks and you feel every little bit of courage fade. "Josh...no..." You whisper softly. You glance at Michael still standing in the doorway. He gazes upon the spectacle in front of him with a bewildered look in his eyes. You look back at Josh and Tyler, feeling so disconnected and alone. You never imagined being put in this position. You always felt safe around them, even when things turned bad. You always felt like in the end everything would be allright. Afterall... isn't that how all the perfect fairytales end? 

Tyler lowers the gun again and smiles back at Josh. "DON'T YOU GET IT?" Tyler says with a crooked smile, "I ALREADY WON." Josh tilts his head and squints his eyes. "HOW?" He asks, almost daring Tyler to answer. But Tyler doesn't, he just chuckles quietly. He throws his head back, letting the rain stream down his cheeks like tears. He looks back at Josh and shouts, "Why are you here, Josh? Why did you bring her?" Tyler points at you. For some reason you feel releived that Tyler still sees you. Josh frowns and says, "YOU KNOW WHY." He smiles at Tyler but it doesn't seem to come across the way he intented it to. "You sick...fuck..." Tyler murmurs and he twitches, shaking his head. "YOU KNOW WHY...TYLER." Josh repeats, emphasizing Tylers name very clearly. But Tyer keeps shaking his head, "No...no..." Josh breathes in and raises his chin. "HOW ELSE DID YOU THINK THIS WOULD END?" 

You can't tell the difference between the rain and Tylers tears as he grabs his head, hitting himself over and over. Your heart breaks, and you immediately start to walk over to him. But Josh spreads out his arm at you, while he keeps his gaze closely focused on Tyler. It's as if you're hitting an invisible brick wall. You look at Josh, still holding his arm up and you realise he's holding you back. You literally can't move. Tyler finally removes his hands from over his face and looks at Josh with swollen eyes. "It's pointless, isn't it? It's all...pointless. I can never be like them. I cAN nEVeR GO BaCk." His eyes are glowing red and the black on his hands and neck colors darker with every spoken word. "I WiLL BEcoMe hIM, iF IT maKeS tHIS GO AwAY." 

Michael puts his hands over his mouth, eyes wide open and he gasps. You try to calm him down, but he keeps muttering "It's the devil. It's the devil." You hush him from where you're standing, because even though you have no idea how this is gonna go down, you refuse to go back inside. You refuse to leave them alone. They dragged you into this mess and you will stand with them through it all. 

Josh moves closer to Tyler. He slowly nods at Tyler, placing his hands on Tylers shoulders, "STOP. STOP FIGHTING. YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO." Tyler quickly nods back at Josh and breathes in, closing his eyes. He breathes out, slowly and opens his eyes again. Then Tyler turns towards you. You look straight into his cold red eyes. His jaw clenched and his lips neatly pressed together. Standing here like this, you can barely recognise him. He raises his arm, points the gun straight at you and pulls the trigger.

Your eyes are wide open. It takes a few seconds for you to realise what has happened. But the burning sensation in your stomach hits you like a freight train. It stings like nothing you have ever felt before. You look down, confused at the sight. The blood stains your t-shirt and it leaks down your trousers. It spreads in the puddles at your feet, leaving them tainted red. Your cold bare feet start to feel even colder, as you feel your soul drifting away from you. 

You look up at Tyler and Josh. Their faces look distorted and vague. It's hard to panic when the only thing you feel is pain. You fall down to your knees and onto the cold wet roof. Laying on your back, the rain drips down your throat as you are gasping for air. You can hardly think. Images flash before your eyes. You see your moms face, your dads curly hair. You see Josh, licking ice cream of his own nose. You see Tyler smiling at you and then there's a shadow staring at you from above. You suint your eyes to look at it through the hard rain, but it's just a blurry shape. 

"YOU WANTED TO SEE WHAT IT WAS LIKE, DIDN'T YOU? YOU WANTED TO KNOW..." All you can hear is your heart pounding in your ears and the deep, dark voice surrounding you. You close your eyes one last time and it whispers, "DON'T WORRY...I WILL...CATCH YOUR BREATH."


End file.
